bob συντονιστές

Μαθήματα Life Coaching (year 1)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: HolisticHarmony.com <ren@otenet.gr>
Date: Wed, Oct 11, 2017 at 7:06 AM
Subject: Lesson 1 - Preliminary Info for Stage I - Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training
To: lifecoach_17_1 <ren@otenet.gr>

Dear Trainees,

May this find you all very well and happy.We welcome you to the first year of Holistic Life Coach training.

I look forward to working with you throughout the next 42 weeks and then hopefully in the later stages of this training.As this is your first email, please hit the reply button so that I know that all are receiving the lessons.Also, because many who intend to participate, have not signed up yet, this introductory lesson will stand for two weeks.You will receive your next lesson after two weeks.If you have any doubt whether you have signed up, let us know.
In this first lesson we are supplying you the following:1. Basic information about the course and your Handbook for Life Coaches. If you have not downloaded this book please do so. You will also need to download The Psychology of Happiness in the near future. Let us know if you have any difficulties in doing so. You download from:https://www.armonikizoi.com/life-coach-exclusive-page
2. A copy of the exam that you will be answering at the end of the course so you can know what to pay attention to as you study this information.You do not need to do anything at this time with those questions.3. A list if the exercises you will be sending in through out the course.There are no exercises for the first three weeks and also at the end there are very few that need to be sent in.You do not need to do anything at this time with those questions.If you have any friends who you feel would like to benefit from this training then let them know because we are starting now.

After a few weeks, when I have all your data, you can check your information on the Getting to Know each other page in order to see if you want to make any changes at:https://www.armonikizoi.com/2017/life_coach_17 with the password life17Of you have not done so, please send in your personal data now. If you have already done so, please send it again It will be easier for us to upload in this way.The data we need is the following.

Also we would love to have a picture of you as an attachment in jpeg format which would be around 6 by 8 cm or 2 by 3 inches, that we can post with your description of yourself.Please fill this out and send it in to us. Add as many lines as you need.Application and Getting to Know YouFirst Name _______________________
Last name _____________________User name if different from real name _________________________________Which do you prefer to use? _________________________________________Email ______________________________________________
State ______________ Country _______________________________________
Male ________ Female _________ Age _______
Relationship situation _______________________ _________________________
Profession __________________________________________ Children _______
Hobbies________________________________________________________
Interests________________________________________________________
Related Studies ____________________________________________________
Other Studies ______________________________________________________
Travel ___________________________________________________________Feel free here to share with us anything about your self which will help us know and understand you. ______________________________________________________________Do not forget to attach your photo.

Holistic Harmony Life Coach TrainingStage I - Clarifying & Understanding ProblemsLesson # 1Prologue to the «Handbook for Life Coaches»

These course materials are written for two purposes.The first is to aid the reader on his path to self knowledge and self actualization.The second is to help those readers who are interested, master the art of supporting others in this same process.Writing this has not been easy, because I have three reading publics in mind as I was writing, and my mind occasionally focused on the one or the other. For this reason the pronouns, move from "you", to "he/ she", to "we" frequently.

The three reading publics are:

1. The life coaches I am presently training.

2. Other life coaches, psychologists and psychotherapists, doctors, sociologists, health professionals in general, and any one conducting seminars or working with people on a psychological or spiritual level, even priests.

3. Any persons who are interested in freeing themselves from their mental mechanisms.As all of those listed in the first two categories are individuals still in the process of self-knowledge and self-improvement, they to also belong to the third category.Also, because all of those mentioned in groups one and two in some way facilitate understanding, or health for others, I have grouped them all under the heading " facilitator," which could mean a life coach, psychologist, sociologist, doctor. priest or anyone supporting others on a personal or group basis.

Methods and Sources

My search has brought me into contact with a wide variety of sources including child psychology, yoga, meditation, humanistic psychology, body centered psychology, meditation, creative arts as therapy, philosophy, a variety of spiritual teachings and now various forms of energy psychology such as EFT, TAT and TFT.A few of the psychological systems which have influenced me more than others are the teachings of Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, Rollo May, Ken Keyes, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, the teachings of Seth through Jane Roberts, the Course in Miracles, Yoga psychology and now to a great degree the discoveries of Dr. Roger Callahan and various forms of Energy Psychology.About half of what will be presented in this book, however, was discovered and created while I was working with individuals and groups. They are natural inspirations which came in response to the need to help myself and others move out of negative thought patterns and realize our innate spiritual self.I would suggest that you first read each section as if you were the subject of analysis. And then those interested in helping others can read each section a second time, now as the facilitator of that same analysis or technique for others.It has also been very difficult to decide on the order in which to present these techniques. I have presented them in one possible order in which they might be used. However, there are also many other possible orders.You will be receiving this material on a weekly basis. You will also have the Life Coach Handbook as an ebook. Some parts of this manual will not be covered in the course but rather in an intensive live-in seminar for those who choose to do so. (This is optional) You will also benefit greatly by studying my book The Psychology of Happiness.Many lessons will have an exercise for you to complete and send in. Many but not all of these will be read, commented on and returned for your benefit. Some will contain exercises which you will need to complete, but need not email to us.

Chapter Designations

In some of the emails you will notice a chapter number below the title. If this chapter is from is the Life Coach Handbook, it will have the letters (LCH) after the chapter number. If it is from the Psychology of Happiness is will have a (POH) after the chapter number. If a chapter number is designated with a «a» or «b» after it, this means that this is a continuing section of chapter which was too large to present in a particular lesson. One chapter make take many lessons to complete.

Charts and Images

Many charts, images, lists and questionnaires are presented throughout the book. In order to facilitate their numbering and your reference to them, I have named them all "figures" for ease in finding them rather than numbering questionnaires separately from lists or diagrams etc. As most figures were not possible to include in the emails, you may need to find them in the analogous chapter in the ebook or refer to the pdf. files which accompany some lessons.

Mistakes and Corrections

As these writings have been created for a small audience of souls dedicated to self-improvement and helping others, I have chosen to give time to other more pending matters rather than to perfecting the text itself. There may be mistakes which I believe will not in any way diminish from the clarity and effectiveness of the text. If there are in fact mistakes which cause confusion or are annoying, I will be grateful if you would bring them to my attention so that I can correct them.

The Importance of Employing these on Yourself First

These techniques need to be practiced many times on ourselves and then on persons without serious problems (such as other trainees), before we begin to try to help those with intensively negative thought patterns.The philosophy and psychology of some of these techniques have been explained in other books by the same author and you are encouraged to supplement your understanding by reading them. All books mentioned in the texts are by the same author unless indicated otherwise.

Duration of the Seminar

At the present I Stage I includes 38 lessons with 11 of them having supplementary lessons and thus a total of 49 texts in around 40 weeks. We will take a break for a few weeks and then those who have completed stage I will be able to register for stage II in which we will learn how to employ EFT and other forms of Energy Psychology on ourselves and others.

My Wishes

I hope that this course and books and their suggestions will be useful to you in creating a happier, healthier more harmonious life.I am very much looking forward to working together and I thank you for your trust and confidence. I will in turn do my best to train you in the best way I can.I wish all of you success in your inner search and also in your effort to support others in this process.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Robert Elias Najemy

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HELP IN ABSORBING
Stage I Do not panic

This is an open-book opportunity to verify what you have absorbed. This means that you are free to look through all your lessons and notes.You have unlimited time which means that you can spend as many hours as you need in order to find the answers.You unlimited chances to find the answers which means that we will simply send you back the questions which we feel you need to study more and give you unlimited chances to answer them.You will need however to find them before moving on to the next stage of the training. This means that you if you want to continue on to the next stage with the same group of trainees, you will need to complete them before that group starts the next stage.You will not be graded on your answers but incomplete answers will be sent back to you over and over until you find the information desired. Some questions ask for subjective answers and your own analysis. Your concepts will always be respected - although we may make suggestions.The following questions are designed as a means for you to verify to yourself and to us that you have understood the material in this course. We are presenting these questions to you from the beginning so that you will have an idea concerning what is important for you to absorb as you study these materials.Also in addition to the questions we have chosen to ask, there are many other aspects of the material, which need to be mastered. You should not limit yourself to learning only what is being asked, but rather seek to understand all of the material as deeply as you can.

1. Explain what we mean by the following words:
a) Stimulus
b) Belief
c) Programming
d) Thought form
e) Emotion
f) Reaction
g) Attachment
h) Preference
i) Self knowledge

2. Refer to the five prerequisites which you feel are the most important for a group facilitator. Also explain why you consider them to be so important.

3. In relationship to happiness:
a. When is a person happy?
b. In which ways does we usually seek to create happiness?
c. What are the main obstacles to our happiness?
d. What are some of the solutions?

4. Comment on the following prerequisites for active listening, explaining why each is important:A. That you be interested in the other and truly want to help him or her.
B. That you have no prejudices or opinions.
C. That you get free from the tendency to give advice
D. That you understand the mechanisms of the human mind

5. Explain some of the factors which we should have in mind when we want to create an atmosphere conducive for active listening.

6. What is the theory behind the technique of active listening and why is it considered a safer form of analysis?

7. What is the ultimate goal of active listening?

8. Explain in a few words the aspects of active listening described below and why each step is important.a) Identifying the problem
b) Specifying the exact stimulus
c) Listing the all the emotions
d) Discovering the second stage emotions
e) Finding the all the beliefs
f) Discovering the second stage beliefs
g) Going deeper to uncover the core beliefs.
h) Identifying the experiences which may have created these sensitivities.
i) Coming to conclusions.
j) Making decisions concerning changes and why the client wants to make these changes.
k) Identifying possible lessons the client might need to learn.
l) Deciding on which beliefs he/she wants to change and why.
m) Determining the best techniques to employment in order to solve the problem.
n) The need to meet again for reevaluation and new decisions and actions

9 Why is it so important to determine exactly what the stimulus is? (You may have answered this in 8b)

10. What is the difference between the stimulus and a person's interpretation of the stimulus and why is it important to distinguish between them?

11. What is the difference between an emotion and a second stage emotion? (May have been answered in 8d)

12. List some questions which you would ask about your clients emotions in active listening.

13. Could there be more than one belief behind an emotion?

14. Why are we interested in core beliefs?

15. What can we do when the other can not discover his beliefs?

16. How are our beliefs created?

17. How does a child's logic differ from an adults?

18. What is the difference between an event and experience?

19. Why is it so important to find the cause of the beliefs which the other wants to change?

20. Why is it so important to allow and encourage the other to maintain responsibility for his/her self-knowledge and the solutions to his/her problems?

21. What are some of the questions which you might ask the other in order to guide him/her to realize the «lessons» which he/she might need to learn in order create happiness?

22. List here some of the questions you would ask in order to help the other discover the beliefs he/she wants to strengthen.

23. Explain the various ways in which we can use the word "why" and why is it important to be careful about the way we use the word.

24. How would you deal with the following:a. Persons who have been pressured by others to come to you?
b. Clients who simply want to tell you their problems but actually do not want to solve them?
c. Clients who want to get well but are not willing to make any effort and what you to heal them?

25. Explain the following mechanisms of resistance towards change:
a. They do not want to give satisfaction to others by getting well or being happy.
b. The power of habit.
c. Conflict of needs or desires.
d. They fear they will loose the others' attention.

26. Explain the role of rejuvenating your clients energy filed or nervous system in the solving their emotional problems. (Regardless of whether you know how to at this point)

27. How would you help someone find the affirmations which are most suitable for solving his/her particular problem?

28. Which words do we need to avoid so as not to weaken an affirmation?

29. List some of the ways in which we can strengthen an affirmation, belief or truth in the subconscious mind.

30. Lists here some of the general affirmations you would suggest to a client to start out with in order to discover his personal affirmations.

31. How do we determine a persons personal affirmations from his/her answers to the general written affirmations.

32. Explain the technique in which your client makes a list of five reasons why he or she loves and accepts himself/herself or feels secure and capable in every situation.© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com
v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement

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Lists of Exercises
(With indications which need to be sent in and which not)Lessons 1 to 3 have no exercises for you to perform

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04
This week's Exercise:Make a list of your needs that are not satisfied to the degree that you would like in your life today.Select the three of your most important needs today that are not being satisfactorily satisfied.Now for each of those three needs try to answer the following questions and send them in to us to applications@holisticharmony.com1. Do you expect more from others in order to satisfy this need? (From whom?)2. What emotions do you have when you focus on the fact that this need is not being satisfied in your life?3. What do you think your lesson is in relationship to this problem? (Look at the possibilities in number 2 above.)

Lesson 05
This week's Exercise:1. Please make a list of stimuli ( situations, events, or behaviors or even your own thoughts ) which disturb your sense of inner peace, happiness, harmony or ability to feel love and unity with those around you.2. Select one main stimulus of those which would you would most like to work on at this point of your life, so as to be able to retain your inner peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with that particular stimulus.3. What exactly happens which triggers this emotional mechanism in you? (what is the stimulus - box no. 1) describe in some detail so that we can understand exactly what it is about that which bothers you.4. What emotions do you feel when in contact with that stimulus? If you have various emotions at different times, think of them all. (box no. 3)5. What do you believe
a. About what is happening?b. About your own self?c. About life itself?which makes you feel those emotions when in contact with that stimulus. ( box no. 2)6. How do you react when you feel those emotions in those situations,a. Internally? b. Externally (what is your behavior like)? (box no. 4)7. Which beliefs would you like to change so as to be able to retain your peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with the particular stimulus we are now talking about, which until now created problems for you?8. What new beliefs would help you to confront this matter differently?Send in your self-analysis to applications@holisticharmony.com

Lesson 06
ExerciseThis week's work assignment is the same as last. Please make another analysis of some emotion which is bothering you and you would like to free yourself from. If you need help read chapter five (LCH).

1. Please make a list of the stimuli ( situations, events, or behaviors or even your own thoughts ) disturbing your sense of inner peace, happiness, harmony or ability to feel love and unity with those around you.

2. Select one main stimulus of those which would you like most like to work on at this point of your life, so as to be able to retain your inner peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with that particular stimulus.

3. What exactly happens which triggers this emotional mechanism in you? (what is the stimulus - box no. 1) describe in some detail so that we can understand exactly what it is about that which bothers you.

4. What emotions do you feel when in contact with that stimulus? If you have various emotions at different times, think of them all. (box no. 3)

5. What do you believe
a. About what is happening?
b. About your own self?
c. About life itself?which makes you feel those emotions when in contact with that stimulus. ( box no. 2)

6. How do you react when you feel those emotions in those situations,
a. Internally?
b. Externally (what is your behavior like)? (box no. 4)

7. Which beliefs would you like to change so as to be able to retain your peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with the particular stimulus we are now talking about, which until now created problems for you?

8. What new beliefs would help you to confront this matter differently?Send in your self-analysis to applications@holisticharmony.com

Lesson 07
EXERCISE - DO ACTIVE LISTENING TOGETHERThis week's assignment is to perform active listening with one of your fellow trainees during a chat session. Set up a chat room where you can be alone. Trainee "A" briefly states his or her issue. Then Trainee "B" will ask questions based on Active Listening which allows both of you to understand more deeply what exactly is the stimulus, the emotions, the beliefs and the reactions.Once you have finished, then Trainee "B" will present his / her issue and trainee 'A" will ask questions based on Active Listening so as to help trainee "B" clarify his/her stimulus, beliefs, emotions and reactions.These sessions might take place together or at separate times. Then please send the transcripts of both sessions to applications@holisticharmony.com so that Robert and other experienced Life Coaches can comment on some of them and if necessary send them back to you with suggestions and guidelines for perfecting your technique. (+ Be careful as to not close the chat box without copying its content)You need now to make a final decision concerning whether you are going to use your real name or user name, as you will be sharing personal information. We prefer you use your real name but understand and respect your choice.If you have difficulty setting up a personal chat room, let us know.

Lesson 08Exercise - Choose your own issue and answer the above-mentioned questionsThis week's assignment is to choose an issue you want to analyze and answer the above-mentioned questions concerning that issue.Then please send your answers to applications@holisticharmony.com.

Lesson 09Exercise - Choose your own issue and answer the above-mentioned questionsThis week's assignment is to choose an issue you want to analyze and answer the above-mentioned questions concerning that issue. You may use the issue you chose last week or a new one.Then please send your answers to applications@holisticharmony.com.

Lesson 10Exercise - Choose your own issue and answer the above-mentioned questionsThis week's assignment is to choose an issue you want to analyze and answer the above-mentioned questions concerning that issue. You may use the issue you chose last week or a new one.Then please send your answers to applications@holisticharmony.com.

Lesson 11Exercise - Choose your own issue and answer the above-mentioned questionsThis week's assignment is to choose an issue you want to analyze and answer the above-mentioned questions concerning that issue. You may use the issue you chose last week or a new one.Then please send your answers to applications@holisticharmony.com.

Lesson 12Exercise - DO ACTIVE LISTENING TOGETHERThis week's assignment is to perform active listening with one of your fellow trainees during a chat session. Set up a chat room where you can be alone. Trainee "A" briefly states his or her issue. Then Trainee "B" will ask questions based on Active Listening which allows both of you to understand more deeply what exactly is the stimulus, the emotions, the beliefs and the reactions.Once you have finished then Trainee "B" will present his / her issue and trainee 'A" will ask questions based on Active Listening so as to help trainee "B" clarify his/her stimulus, beliefs, emotions and reactions.These sessions might take place together or at separate times. Then please send the transcripts of both sessions to applications@holisticharmony.com so that Robert and other experienced Life Coaches can comment on some of them and if necessary send them back to you with suggestions and guidelines for perfecting your technique. (+ Be careful as to not close the chat box without copying its content.)If you have difficulty setting up a personal chat room, let us know.

Lesson 13 - no exercise

Lesson 14Exercise - DO ACTIVE LISTENING TOGETHERThis week's assignment is to perform active listening with one of your fellow trainees during a chat session. Set up a chat room where you can be alone. Trainee "A" briefly states his or her issue. Then Trainee "B" will ask questions based on Active Listening which allows both of you to understand more deeply what exactly is the stimulus, the emotions, the beliefs and the reactions.Once you have finished then Trainee "B" will present his / her issue and trainee 'A" will ask questions based on Active Listening so as to help trainee "B" clarify his/her stimulus, beliefs, emotions and reactions.These sessions might take place together or at separate times. Then please send the transcripts of both sessions to applications@holisticharmony.com so that Robert and other experienced Life Coaches can comment on some of them and if necessary send them back to you with suggestions and guidelines for perfecting your technique. (+ Be careful as to not close the chat box without copying its content.)If you have difficulty setting up a personal chat room, let us know.

Lesson 15
(Do not need to send)

Lesson 16
no exerciseLesson 17Exercise - Create a Positive Affirmation Specific to your issue1. Answer the questions in figures 13 & 14.
2. Select an issue that you want to create a positive affirmation for.
3. Answer the questions above in figurer 15 so as to create your ideal affirmation.If you would like us to comment on it, send it to applications@holisticharmony.com

Lesson 18 AssignmentPerform a Deep relaxation Technique on yourself at least three times this week.Enjoy it and let us know if you have any problems

Lesson 19ASSIGNMENT - CREATE A CASSETTE FOR ANOTHER1. Have a chat with a fellow trainee and determine the messages he / she would like to be on his /her personal relaxation.2. Make his / her cassette and send it to him/her by email. If for some reason someone prefers to remain anonymous, the cassette can be sent in to the user name to the Holistic Harmony Network, 21 Dartmouth St. Worcester, Mass. (Check with us before sending it.)3. After experiencing the cassette your partner has sent you, you can communicate with each other and share concerning what was helpful and what was not.We are in a process of learning and need to welcome open-heartedly every comment from others, which will help us become more effective life coaches.

Lesson 20Assignment1. Write the Affirmation, "I love and accept myself as I am" 20 times at three separate sessions and as you do, write in the right column whatever comes to you mind, positive or negative about your ability to love and accept yourself as you are.2. Having done so, then analyze your answers and create a personal affirmation for yourself based on your particular sensitivities.You do not need to send this in unless you have questions.

Lesson 21Exercise for this week.Choose one of these methods and try employing it for an emotion you would like to balance.

Lesson 22Exercise for this week
(You do not need to send this in)1. Make a list of your fears.
2. Choose one fear you want to work with.
Employ one or more of the techniques suggested for freeing ourselves from fear.

Lesson 23Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)
1. Analyze an anxiety or a worry you have. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her anxiety or worry.

Lesson 24Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)
2. Analyze an emotion of hurt or bitterness you have. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.2. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her pain or hurt.

Lesson 25Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)3. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience disappointment.
4. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.3. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her disappointment.

Lesson 26Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)5. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience depression. (If in fact you have experienced this emotion)6. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.2. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her possible depression about some issue.

Lesson 27Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)7. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience jealousy or envy.8. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.4. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her jealousy or envy about some issue.

Lesson 28Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)9. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience loneliness, alienation or abandonment.10. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.3. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her possible feelings of loneliness, alienation or abandonment.

Lesson 29Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)11. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience anger, rage or hate.12. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.3. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her possible feelings of anger, rage or hate.

Lesson 30Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)13. Analyze an issue that has caused you to experience rejection towards others.14. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.3. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her possible feelings of rejection towards others.

Lesson 31Exercise for this week:
(You do not need to send this in)15. Analyze an issue which has caused you to experience self-doubt, shame, guilt, rejection or unworthy.16. Read through these questions and see if you can memorize them to a certain extent. They will be useful.17. Do Active listening with a fellow trainee concerning his/her possible feelings of self-doubt, shame, guilt, rejection or unworthiness.

Lesson 32No exercise - just think about all this

Lesson 33Exercise for this week:18. Look through the obstacles towards self-acceptance mentioned above and make a list of those affecting you and from which you would like to get free. Add obstacles you do not see mentioned there.19. Make a list of beliefs you would like to strengthen within your subconscious mind in order to learn to love, accept and respect yourself exactly as you are at this stage of your evolutionary process.20. Employ positive projection techniques while in relaxation in order to feel love and acceptance for yourself as you are.Please send in this work

Lesson 34Exercise:
(You do not need to send this in)1. Make a list of your behaviors, which bring you into conflict with your conscience.2. Understand with the help of the questions above, the needs, feelings and beliefs that bind you to that behavior.
Choose alternative beliefs, affirmations and emotions that will free you from the need to behave in that way, which makes you feel conflict afterwards.

Lesson 35Exercise:3. Try out the Inner research exercise on your own.4. Once you have understood your negative and positive beliefs concerning your self-worth employ a plan to learn to love and accept yourself more unconditionally.5. If any of the other issues mentioned above are important to you, you may choose to work with them.6. Please send in your work.

Lesson 36Exercise:
(You do not need to send this in.)1. Look through the above lists and mark the issues you need to work with.2. Use positive projection techniques to reprogram yourselves in relationship to these issues.3. You will get much more help from EFT on these issues when we work on Energy Psychology.

Lesson 37Exercise:(You do not need to send this in)4. Write a letter to someone who would like to ask forgiveness of.5. If you like, you may want to speak to him/her personally.It does not matter if this person is in the body, or has passed on. You can still do the written exercise and then verbally imaging the person before you.

Lesson 38Exercise:
(You do not need to send this in.)1. Write one of more letters to the sources of your programming as described above. (This could be to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, teachers, or society as a whole.Final exams (open-book - you are free to look at all your notes and materials.)

2 Dear Trainees,,

May this find you all well and happy.

Some of you have not verified that you are receiving the lessons.

You can now learn much more by viewing our Video clips at Youtube or on our site at

https://www.youtube.com/profile?user=robertenajemy=playlists

I. Lessons: This week's material is comprised of two texts:

1. An introduction to the Seven Centers of Consciousness

2. The qualities of a Life Coach - You have probably seen this in the preliminary materials, but we are sending it to you again as a supplement so that you can think about it now based on your final decision to become a Life Coach and also so that you can place it your file.

As usual we encourage you to place all of these in one file for your reference.

II - The Books: Please begin to familiarize yourselves with:

You can download them at

https://www.armonikizoi.com/life-coach-exclusive-page

1. The Psychology of Happiness

2. The Life Coach - Handbook

That does not mean to read them now, but to look through them, check out the chapter titles and know what is in them.

III - Getting to know each other

After around 10 days, (when we have uploaded the information) you can begin to get to know the other trainees and trainers at:

https://www.armonikizoi.com/2018/life18 with the password life18

If there is anything about your photo or info which you would like us to change, let us know.

If you photo or info are not there, then we do not have it. Please send.

The password is "life15"

Have a wonderful week.

Love and Peace,

Robert

Holistic Harmony Life Coach TrainingStage I - Clarifying & Understanding ProblemsLesson # 2 

 
Chapter 5 (POH)THE SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

The life energy that flows through and sustains all beings is referred to by various schools of thought as bio-energy, cosmic energy, life energy, prana, chi, ki, orgone energy, etc. This energy is dispersed throughout the whole body, but is focused in the spinal column in various centers of energy according to the level of awareness and motives of the individual. 

There are seven possible centers in which energy can enter, accumulate and function. Each energy center functions with a different set of needs, desires, motives and activities based the basic beliefs and thought-forms of that level of awareness.
Most of us experience predominately the lower three levels of consciousness, occupying ourselves with satisfying our basic needs for security, pleasure, affirmation or power. 

As we evolve, we will begin to experience the "higher" more refined states of consciousness associated with the upper four centers. We can consciously facilitate this process of evolution leading to the higher centers, which will subsequently provide a more pleasant and fulfilling experience.
Let us briefly examine the seven centers.
Note: The concepts set forth in this lesson are ancient and agreed upon by many systems of philosophical and evolutionary thought, but this particular presentation has also been inspired by Ken Keyes, author of the Handbook to Higher Consciousness.

0 - THE COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS CENTER

0 - THE CONSCIOUS - AWARENESS CENTER
0 - THE CORNUCOPIA CENTER
0 - THE LOVE CENTER
0 - THE AFFIRMATION - POWER CENTER
0 - THE PLEASURE CENTER
0 - THE SECURITY CENTER

Diagram: THE SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

CENTER 1:
THE SECURITY CENTERWe all require the basic elemental securities such as sufficient food, shelter, and safety from danger. As mentioned, it is unlikely that we face the danger of not being able to fulfill these needs. Yet, it is equally unlikely that we have relaxed our concern about our present, and especially our future security. We tend to continue accumulating money, objects and food far beyond our natural needs, often at the expense of health and harmonious relationships.
Security addictions dominate our emotional life. When functioning from this level, we become attached to certain relationships that we call "love" relationships, which are, in truth, "security" relationships. We can experience true unconditional love only when we are free of insecurity, fear, and from needing the other. Love gives and wants the other to be well. Attachment needs to depend upon and take from the other. These two often conflict when they coexist.
Ultimately, security can be established only from within, and must be based on an experience of or faith in our true spiritual nature. There can be no real insurance in the material world. There can only be the inner assurance that, no matter what happens, we will continue (even beyond death of the physical body).
A study of past fears and anxieties will probably prove to us that there is no need to fear whatever might be destined to happen. We have gone through so many situations where we feared, worried, and thought that the world might come to a crashing end for us, and yet here we are reading this text.
Everything in the past has passed, and everything in the present and all that we shall encounter in the future will also pass - both the pleasant and the unpleasant.
Life is change. There can be no external security in a world of change. Only the inner self, the soul, does not change. There lies our only true security - - within us.
When we are dominated by addictions based in the security center (which is associated physically with the bottom of the spine), even when everything is fine in our present, we will still find some imaginary future insecurity to concern us. Thus, the security center is, for most of us, a constant source of suffering and worry.

CENTER 2

THE SENSATION CENTERThis center is associated physically with the area some fingers below the navel. This is the center of our pleasure needs. We may enjoy various objects, persons, substances and situations as sources of our sensual pleasure. The most common are food, sex, cigarettes, drink and various chemical stimulants and relaxants, legal and illegal. Whenever these needs demand satisfaction, they have the potential to turn many of us into slaves, preventing us from relating freely and honestly to people and situations.
Our sex addictions prevent us from relating to others as souls or with pure selfless love. We tend to perceive them as possible objects of pleasure or threats to that pleasure.
Addictions to food, nicotine, alcohol and drugs obviously destroy our health, willpower, and self-confidence while they simultaneously distort our perception of reality. We become more interested in satisfying our addiction than enjoying the beauty and love within and around us.
Because we are often unable to fulfill our addictions, we tend to experience discontentment. On the other hand, even when we manage to satisfy a sensation addiction, the pleasure is usually short-lived and we quickly desire the same sensation. There is little potential for lasting happiness as long as these addictions absorb and monopolize our time, money, energy and thoughts.
At some point, we will become bored with this endless cycle of desire -- momentary satisfaction -- and reoccurring desire. We will then feel the need to free ourselves from this slavery and transform these addictions into preferences, or in some cases, rid ourselves of them completely if they are destroying our health.
When we prefer, we enjoy pleasurable sensations when we have them without becoming anxious when we can't.
Another interesting point here is that many of us have first indulged in some of these addictions as symbols of freedom. We interpreted our ability to smoke or drink as expressions our freedom from control by others. Ironically, in the end, we lose our freedom completely to these needs. We are free from control by others, but not from control by our addictions.
On the other hand, we also need to free ourselves from any guilt that may rise upon satisfying our needs. If we seek freedom from pleasure addictions motivated by feelings of guilt and shame, believing we are less worthy of love when we satisfy these needs, we face a probable backfire for a number of reasons which we will discuss later. Such changes are best made simply because we realize that they are intelligent choices that work for our benefit, and not because we feel guilt or perceive them as ways to be more loved or accepted by others, or by God.

CENTER 3

THE POWER CENTERThis center is located in the area of the solar plexus area. When we operate from this center, we are interested in power and affirming ourselves in relation to others, often by manipulating and controlling them.
We will find it difficult to give or experience love when we view each person an object to be manipulated or a threat to our control. Such games are played more intensely in political, business and sexual relationships, as well as in parent - child relationships.
In such a competitive atmosphere, there is little room for thinking about others. Pride, selfishness and egocentric behavior flourish. Instead of using the ego as a vehicle for our expression, we allow it to control us and create a false front, which, in turn, stimulates negative reactions in others.
This addiction to power can also be manifested in subtle ways, such as by appearing ill, weak or helpless in order to gain others' attention, sympathy, cooperation or even service.
If we observe when we are being controlled by power addictions and learn to change these addictions into preferences, we can allow others to be themselves and flow lovingly with what is happening. Our energies will then be free to rise into the next level of consciousness.
Our need for affirmation from others is perhaps the number one driving force in our lives. Most of our actions are based on this need. The importance which we give to our:
Physical appearance,
Professional position,
Knowledge and intelligence
Sexual virility,
Economic and social status,
Professional, social and family connections,
Professions,
How many books we have read,
How spiritual we are,
How many countries we have visited,
How "good" we are,
How many people we have helped in our lives.All of these factors can, in many cases, be important to us because we believe they make othersaccept us more fully, respect us more deeply and love us more completely. We are very much controlled by the belief that our self-worth depends upon the way in which others perceive us.
Thus, most of our waking hours are spent doing whatever we believe may be necessary to do in order to make us acceptable to others, especially those who are important to us.

CENTER 4

THE LOVE CENTER
When our addictions are transformed into preferences, we can begin to experience unconditional love, in which we no longer need, seek or expect anything from the other person in return. We accept and love others, even when they are unable to comply with our preferences. Our feelings of alienation and defensiveness dissolve and we spend much less time and energy building up ego images to hide how we honestly feel. We sense a greater unity with others.
We understand that others are being dominated by their addictions and cannot help occasionally engaging in selfish behavior. We forgive them and feel compassion for them. We do not, however, feel superior. We feel neither superior nor inferior.
We play fewer games and are more honest. We are more relaxed in our relationships, which allows others to feel more relaxed, more accepted and more secure in our presence
Love flows more freely. Obviously, this center is associated with the heart center.
If you have ever been with a being who has loved you unconditionally, you will realize what ahealing and transforming experience it is. We all deserve to be loved in this way and all others deserve that we love them in this way in return.
Loving unconditionally does not mean we must accept the others' negative actions or behaviors. We can accept them and love them as beings even when their actions are not acceptable. Thus, we can accept them, but assertively ask that their actions be more aligned with the truth that exists within them.
This is similar to the love of a mother for her child. The mother continues to love the child although she may be unable to condone certain aspects of the child's behavior. This is important for parents to understand. We can let the child feel that our love is continuous, but that certain types of behavior are unacceptable. Thus we make a distinction between the child and his or her behavior. The same distinction is also very helpful when dealing with adults, and also when confronting ourselves.
Until now, our love has seldom been pure, but rather love mixed with needs and attachments. We "loved" the other because he or she offered us security, pleasure or affirmation. If, later, he or she stopped fulfilling those needs, or started to obstruct our fulfillment of those needs or offered all they had offered to us now to someone else, does our love remain? Or do we feel hurt, rejected, betrayed, cheated, bitter, and perhaps anger, hate and a desire for revenge?
If this is so, then, what we were feeling, was not unconditional love. It was love mixed with needs and attachments that were being fulfilled by the other.
The truth is that we can experience pure love only when we do not need anything from the other. Otherwise, when he or she does provide us with what we need, our feelings will change, especially if he or she gives it to someone else.
PURIFYING GOLD ORE
We need not feel guilty that our love is not pure. It is natural at this stage of our evolutionary journey. If we had already completed this lesson, it is likely we wouldn't have needed to incarnate. Our love now is like the gold ore when it is first taken out of the ground. It contains other impurities that must be removed. Our relationships are the crucible in which our love is heated, and its impurities come up to the surface. Our every love relationship, be it with spouse, child, parent or friend, gives us the exact stimuli we need in order to see the impurities which still exist in our love, and remove them, perhaps with the help of the techniques offered in this book.
We can recognize these "impurities" (our attachments, aversions and fears) by the negative emotions they provoke in us. Every time we feel negative emotions towards a loved one, let us ask ourselves:
1. "What is it that I want from him/her, that he/she is not giving me at this moment?
2. Can I love him/her in spite of his/her inability or refusal to give me what I want? Or is this a prerequisite I am placing on my love?
3. Can I love unconditionally?"

CENTER 5

THE CORNUCOPIA CENTER
The "Cornucopia" center is located in the center of the throat. Cornucopia means "horn of plenty". Ken Keyes has designated this name, because when we operate from this level of consciousness, we will find ourselves in a harmonious union with life. When this occurs, life itself provides all our needs without our effort.
Having satisfied our needs for security, self-affirmation and pleasure internally, our feelings of isolation from others and the world diminish. Everything that we need in terms of food, security, shelter, books, information, guidance, etc. is supplied through the support of nature.
This is a truly wonderful state in which life gives us exactly what we need at every moment. Life becomes a "continuous miracle" in which our needs are easily fulfilled, and feel deep gratitude for receiving so much grace in the form of even the simplest gifts.
As we are no longer wasting so much energy and thought on how to fulfill demanding addictions, we embody much more energy, love and clarity with which to live life and proceed on the evolutionary path. We have activated the heart center and will most probably be using our energies and power to make the world a better place to live, in whatever way we can.
This center may be identified with Christ's promise that if we live according to the Father's Will, then He will provide for all our needs just as He does for the birds and lilies in the field.
When we cease living only for ourselves, realize we are all cells in the body of humanity and begin to live like cells, serving the whole in every way we can, we will experience the miracle of material, emotional and spiritual affluence.
We will then live lightly on the earth, using and taking little while offering much to our fellow beings with whom we share this beautiful planet.
Rather than live like parasites, steadily devouring the planet's resources, we will leave the earth a better place than we found it.
We will be happy, content, fulfilled and at peace with ourselves.

CENTER 6

THE CONSCIOUS WITNESS CENTER
As this center gradually opens, we become increasingly objective witnesses to our life drama. We identify more with the soul and less with the particular personality and body, which we are momentarily occupying and expressing our Selves through. We experience a growing detachment and a calm, peaceful clarity in all situations. Although there is absence of codependent emotionalism, there is no lack of love.
We enjoy freedom from addictions and the particular life roles in which we had been imprisoned. While we may be engaged in many of the same activities, we are also simultaneously witnessing the whole drama in a detached way. We are not the doer, but the witness of the actions.
Many may say, "How boring! I would never like to be like that, so cold and unemotional." It is difficult to understand what it would be like while stuck in our present level of consciousness. When we were young, we had many toys, dolls and games, which we could never at that time have thought we would ever give up. But slowly we lost our interest in these objects and activities. If someone had told us then that we would lose our interest in them, we would not have believed them. Yet it happened.
It is very probable that, given time, we will also become bored with the suffering created by our present attachments and "games," and eventually prefer the detached peace and unconditional love of these higher centers.
In observing highly evolved individuals, I can certainly affirm that they experience and express much more love, peace and happiness than we do. They perceive individuals as parts of themselves and love all equally, while not demanding anything from anyone. Attachment and emotionalism are related to lower forms of selfish love. Selfless love is only possible from a self-fulfilled state of consciousness.

CENTER 7

THE COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS CENTER
Our vocabulary has been developed based on the lower three levels of consciousness and miserably fails us when we try to describe this highest level. Here all separation is lost. We are the completion of the evolutionary process. There is no other. We are all. We are all beings and the entire world. We are the Divine. We are security, sensation, power, love, fullness of life and the witness of it all.
This state may be described by various names such as heaven, paradise, samadhi, nirvana, satori or liberation. Christ described this state when he said to his followers, "I am in you. You are in me. I am in the Father and the Father is in me".
In the remaining lessons, we will address ourselves to the process of freeing our minds and emotions from the lower centers of consciousness so we can begin to experience the higher centers of increased love, peace, clarity, vitality and unity with all.© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com
v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement

Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training
Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems
Lesson # 2 - supplement
Important Qualities of a Holistic Harmony Life Coach

May this find you all well and happy.
Although you have probably seen this list in our introductory texts, now that you have decided to actually participate in this training, we are reminding you of the qualities we are all mutually seeking as life coaches.
If we really want to help people regardless of our credentials whether as a psychologist, counselor, life coach, doctor or friend we will need to as much as possible embody the following (we are using the word subject in the place of the words patient or client):
1. Care for the other and sincerely desire to help him or her. The subject will feel if we really care or not.
2. Accept whatever we hear and have an open mind. We must be able to hear even that the other has murdered someone without judging him. The degree to which the other can open himself is dependent on how accepting he perceives us.
3. See what others call «evil» as weakness and ignorance and fear rather than as evil. Ignorance and misinterpretation of our true nature leads to a wide variety of ego-centered and often destructive behaviors.
4. Study and understand the functioning of the mind by observing ourselves and others and by studying what already has been discovered by the sciences of psychology, sociology, philosophy and religion.
5. Keep clearly in mind that our work is to reconnect him/her with inner strength and guidance, not make him/her dependent on us.
6. Be open to the unique ways in which each individual grows and heals himself. Do not be so caught up in systems or labels or specific procedures or in what you know, so that you cannot respond to this unique individual in his/her own specific way.
7. Employ only the techniques which you yourself have experienced a number of times. Only then can you really understand this technique and know when to use it and how to handle any crises which may be provoked by it.
8. Practice what you teach. Although this role does not allow us to teach, we occasionally do so through our behavior or attitudes, or by making suggestions or expressing perceptions or life philosophies. We, ourselves should live these ideals which we are expressing.
9. Be simple, honest, humble and admit when you do not know the answer, or feel confused or cannot help.
10. Be ready to give time and energy even without payment when necessary. Supporting another human being who is in need is not a product to be sold.
11. Learn to be sensitive as to when to push the subject towards discovering or breaking through and when to give him space to prepare himself, or live in his illusory security. This sensitivity must also be learned in relationship to our own personal process.
12. Keep up your own evolutionary self-knowledge process in ways which suit you.
13. Become very proficient in active listening as this is the back bone of this whole system.
14. Know all the techniques well, or do not use them.
15. Refer the subject to others when you cannot help, either because you do not have enough time to help properly, or you cannot be objective with this person, or when the problem is beyond your ability to help.
16. Never interfere in the person's private life, suggesting that he should get divorced or leave his family or get an abortion. Just support him/her in choosing from his/her own options, without projecting your own needs or feelings.
17. Keep total confidentiality - secrecy concerning whatever others share with you.
18. Those who are spiritually oriented may want to pray for guidance in every word and action, so that our every move shall be for the other's benefit and not for our affirmation or security.
Perhaps you would like to add other prerequisites which come to your mind and send them to us.
More information will be presented in the following introductory texts.
To register now, send an email expressing your interest with the subject titled, «Interested in Becoming a Life Coach» to ren@holisticharmony.com
You can also send your questions to the same address.© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com
v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement

3 /1. THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS - below

2. Supplement - The Psychology of Evolution - below

Dear Friends,

May this find you all well and happy.

I sincerely hope you are all enjoying and benefiting from the course.

You can download all of your books and other material from here. You do not need a password and it is only for you.

https://www.armonikizoi.com/life-coach-exclusive-page

THE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER PAGE IS NOW AT

https://www.armonikizoi.com/2018/life19 with the password life19

LET US KNOW ABOUT CHANGES AND PLEASE SEND YOUR INFO AND PHOTO IF IT IS NOT THERE

You can view the Webinar on the Science of Emotions at youtube with the following link.

I would say that it is useful for your training.

https://www.youtube.com/user/robertenajemy#grid/user/75034102459C68A2

I am sending them as part of the body of the email. You can copy and paste them into your word processor for your files.

Let us know if this creates any problems.

If the text falls on the lower line in breaks hit your rewrap option.

In addition to this weeks lesson we are sending you a comment by a trainee and also a question and answer between between a trainee and Robert.

Comment by trainee:

Dear Robert ,

I was reading Contemporary Parables yesterday, and I'd like to say that it's a must for all us trainees to read, even before "POH"! It is so beautiful & easy to reach one's heart, that I learnt from these short but very expressive parables. I mean this as an "introduction" to the spiritual journey we are under-taking, to prepare & understand ourselves in such an easy & interesting reading!

Question by a trainee:

I have one question though: How can one go beyond the fear of material security, when one has a lot of responsibilities to attend to??? Me for example, I have been tapping (EFT) on my anxieties daily, & they did not lessen, because the reasons behind them still exist!!

How can one jump to spiritual learning, with the physical needs still unsatisfied?

Robert's answer

(Although this question and answer have to do with the employment of EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques, it will probably be of interest to many of you. The details of this will be discussed in stage II)

I can fully understand your predicament and question.

Such a situation requires a jump of faith in which you are asked to feel secure even though you can really see how your financial and survival problems will be solved.

As far as the EFT goes, I would suggest that you employ it using the following phrases, doing at least five rounds a day.

1. Even though I seem to have obstacle to creating abundance for myself and my family, I love and accept myself.

and then "I choose to be free from all obstacles to abundance."

Or alternative phrases:

2. Even though until I seem to have obstacles to creating abundance, I now choose to create (attract) abundance for myself and my family.

3. Even though until I seem to have obstacles to creating abundance, I now experience (realize) that I deserve to create (attract) abundance for myself and my family.

Try these phrases for one week each and work with any emotions or other aspects which appear.

This weeks lessons:

1. Lesson three: THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS - below

2. Supplement - The Psychology of Evolution - below

Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training
Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems
Lesson # 3

THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS
CHAPTER 3 (LCH)

May this find you all well and happy.
We all seek happiness. We also seek peace, harmony and health. In our search for this happiness we attempt to create a world which we have been programmed to believe as children that we need to have in order to be happy. As we are seldom able to perfectly create this ideal world that would supposedly supply us with unlimited happiness, we are seldom satisfied with our lives.
This search for happiness is based on the hope of finding in our external world stable and preferably unchanging sources of security, pleasure, affirmation and unconditional love. We seek especially to satisfy those needs that have been left unfulfilled in our past.
Each of us develops his/her own specific life strategies with which he or she hopes to fill his or her emptiness. In this way we hope to ensure a plentiful, and, if possible, an exclusive supply of the energy, attention, pleasure, love as well as a wide variety of physical objects and experiences that we hope will make us happy.
In our attempt to obtain these "sources" of happiness, we often begin to perceive others as competitors who want to take what we need or what belongs to us. This creates feelings of alienation that lead us to develop various "defense mechanisms", through which we believe we are protecting ourselves from the "dangers" around us.
These very "life strategies" and "defense mechanisms" which at one point in our evolutionary process were essential for our feelings of security, self worth and our emotional balance, often subsequently become the very sources of our insecurity, anxiety, and psychic pain.
Thus the same mental mechanisms that were once the hope of our happiness, often eventually become the very source of our unhappiness, illness and disharmony.

THE MIND IS NOT FREE TO BE HAPPY

While the mind appears on the surface to be an organ through which we perceive our reality it is also the source through which our reality is created. The mind is not free to be happy. It has been mechanically programmed to react in very specific ways and to perceive a very limited reality that does not allow it to be free to experience peace, happiness or love except in very few situations. It is condemned by its very own programming to lose its peace, happiness and love when confronted by situations, behaviors or events that it interprets as threatening to the fulfillment of its basic needs. Its logic, in such moments, is powerless against the force of these deeply ingrained reflex emotional mechanisms.
The very mental mechanisms, which once were developed in order to ensure the fulfillment of our basic needs, now function as the main obstacles to happiness. Being attached to certain external conditions for one's happiness is the surest way to lose that happiness, when those factors are threatened in any way, in the past, present or future.
Until we are free from the control of obsolete mental programming and thought forms, we will be susceptible to our inner negativity, which will create an unpleasant atmosphere for ourselves and those around us.

CHAPTER 2
(POH)

ATTACHMENTS - ADDICTIONS - PREFERENCES

Happiness exists within us. We cannot experience it, however, as long as we are searching for it outside of ourselves. When we are unable to manifest that to which we are attached or addicted, our minds experience pain, fear, jealousy, self-rejection and even anger.

CAPTURING MONKEYS WITH BANANAS

The following true facts about how monkeys are captured in Africa, India and South America will allow us to understand the power of attachment.
A narrow-neck bottle is tied to a tree. A banana (or some peanuts) is placed in the bottle. The monkey sees the banana and very intelligently manages to squeeze its hand through the bottleneck and slip its fingers around the banana.
When it tries to pull its hand out in order to eat the banana, it won't come out because its hand, which is now holds the banana in the form of a fist, cannot pass through the narrow bottleneck. It pulls and pulls, but cannot get its hand out. It sees the trapper approaching him and tries to get away, but cannot, because its hand is wrapped around the banana and thus unable to get free from the bottle.
Although it is obviously going to suffer under the hands of trapper, and the bottle and the banana are the cause of its demise, it never crosses its mind to let go of the banana so it can extract its hand and be free.
The monkey literally becomes attached to the banana, and the banana, which was previously a potential source of happiness, has become a source of its suffering.
We are like those monkeys. We have a variety of "bananas" in our lives to which we are attached, and although they create much suffering for us, we cannot allow ourselves let go of them. 

TYPES OF ATTACHMENTS

The words addiction and attachment refer to any object, person, experience, role, quality or even idea that we believe we cannot be happy without. Unhappiness ensues when we do not have that particular thing we are attached to. We also experience unhappiness when, although we have what we want, we fear that we will lose it. For example, we might fear losing our love partner to someone else, or losing our health or money.
We might be addicted to:
receiving other people's attention,
being accepted,
being loved exclusively,
being cared for and protected by others,
possessing power over others,
being rejected,
pursuing professional success,
being the prettiest or the smartest,
being spiritual,
being right,
maintaining order and or cleanliness,
acquiring money and material possessions
being the victim
being in control
being right
being better than others
being strong
being weak
and many other possibilities.
We might be addicted to coffee, cigarettes, sweets, food, and sensual pleasures.
Some of us are addicted to affirming our "freedom" in peculiar ways, such as shunning any disciplines, being unfaithful to a lover, or ignoring others' needs.
None of these are wrong or bad. However, our attachment to them will create suffering whenever we cannot have what we desire. 

A CHOICE

When we are attached to something we have not yet been able to manifest, we have two choices.
1. We can suffer because we cannot get the banana out of the bottle, and thus get trapped in a vicious circle of suffering and unhappiness.
2. We can allow our attachment to become a preference for the "banana" (any banana) which we will enjoy having but can live without.
We can get so caught up in trying to force a specific "banana" out of a specific bottle that we become blind to the fact that there are hundreds of "bananas" lying around for our taking, if only we could just muster up the intelligence to let go of that which we are trying to force life into giving us.
A good example of this is when we become attached to acceptance, approval or love from a specific person such as a parent, spouse or child. When we cannot get their affirmation, we feel hurt and angry. In our obsession for recognition from these specific persons, we lose sight of the fact that we have love, acceptance and approval from so many other persons.
We are so focused on that which we cannot get that we are blind to what is offered so abundantly to us from other sources.

AVERSIONS

An addiction can also be expressed in the negative as an aversion towards something. That is, we can have an addiction to something not happening, such as the loss of some object or relationship, or receiving disrespect from our child, or being caught in a traffic, or being kept waiting at the bank, at the doctor or the bus stop.
Addictions, aversions and attachments are the cause of our suffering. When we feel unhappy we can be sure that there is some attachment preventing us from feeling well. We believe we must have something we do not have, or get rid of something we do have. Simply put, we cannot accept what life is offering us.
As we often do not have the power to change the world or the people around us, we are inclined to become unhappy, depressed, angry, jealous, fearful, hateful, bitter, etc. It is important to remember that it is not the life event that causes our negative feelings, but rather our addictive programming which prevents us from accepting that which we cannot change.

PREFERENCES

We do have a choice. We can change our attachments into preferences. We can prefer something to happen, but if it doesn't, we can accept that and be happy without it. This does not mean we should not try to change whatever we can in accordance with the way we prefer things to be, but while we do this, we must accept the ultimate result.
This is clearly a practical solution that needs to be employed once we have done everything within our power to improve our external circumstances. Thus the only lasting way to find inner peace and happiness is to change our internal programming. Remembering the following prayer by St, Francis will help. "Lord help me to change what I can, to accept what I cannot, and to know the difference between the two."

THE BIRD ON THE BRANCH

The following example might help us understand this balance.
A tired bird rested on a branch for support. It enjoyed the view as well as the safety it offered from dangerous predators. Just as it had become accustomed to that branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, causing the branch to sway back and forth with such great intensity, that it seemed it was going to break. The bird, however, was not at all worried, for it knew two important truths:
The first was that even without the branch, it had its own power to fly and thus remain safe through the strength of its own two wings. The second was that there were many other branches upon which it could temporarily rest.
This small example represents our ideal relationship with our possessions, personal relationships, and social and professional positions. We have the right to enjoy all these things. We can enjoy their support and comfort, however, we need not fear when they seem to waver under us and appear to be disappearing.
All things in life are in a state of change and can disappear at any time. Our real strength lies not in those external ephemeral things, but rather in our two internal wings, 

LOVE and WISDOM. 

These will eventually become our security bases, our source of enjoyment and happiness.
We can enjoy this material world without being suppressed by it because of our fear and dependence upon it.
When we are dependent upon someone or something, we eventually become their slave and sacrifice our freedom.

SECURITY ADDICTIONS

There are basically four categories of addictions, which are related to our four basic needs: security, pleasure, freedom and affirmation - power.
Our security attachments are relics from the thousands of years as primitive human beings. In those days, security in terms of food and shelter was not as easily fulfilled as it is today. Satisfying those needs occupied a great portion of our time, energy and thought. Instincts developed for the sake of survival of the individual and the species.
If we were to once again find ourselves living in jungles, we might find these instincts useful. Few readers of this book are likely to be in danger of starvation or lack of shelter. Rather the opposite is more likely to be true. Most of us are unhealthily over-fed and physically weak from too much shelter from the natural elements.
Yet, although these needs are satisfied beyond healthy limits, we continue to be preoccupied with them as addictions, accumulating more and more possessions, and eating far beyond our physical necessity. This creates weak and «dis-eased» bodies and minds.

RELATIONSHIPS AS SECURITY

We live in fear of losing those things upon which we depend for our feeling of security. This is especially so in the case of relationships. Relationships with spouses, parents, children, siblings, friends and employers or employees can offer us emotional and sometimes financial security.
Many women, especially in the East, have been programmed to believe they cannot exist alone without their husbands or families, thus they live in constant fear of that possibility. When we are attached to someone or something, we become willing to suffer abuses and hardships because we are afraid of giving up whatever security we «think» we are receiving from them. We accept injustices through fear of losing our security base.
Separation from all and everything is not only definite (at least at death), but even more probable when we are attached because we tend to attract what we fear through our continually thinking about it in a negative way. We can attract exactly that which we fear by having it so constantly in mind. If, in our insecurity, we fearfully believe someone will steal our possessions, we send out clear and strong subconscious messages into our environment and consequently attract thieves.
We do not, however, create the others' reality through our fears. We do not cause loved ones to suffer or die because we fear that. Of course, by projecting such negative thoughts we do not help them either.
When we feel weak and insecure, we deny our true inner immortal nature. We make ourselves weak and feel helpless to change our unhappiness. This seriously inhibits development and keeps us lost in negative emotional states like frustration, depression, anger, bitterness, hate, envy, jealousy and fear. We might then over-eat, smoke, drink, or take tranquilizers or other drugs in order to escape from the anxiety created by our unfulfilled security addictions.
The truth is that total inner security can only be achieved by developing self-confidence and faith in our spiritual existence beyond the death or suffering of the personality and body. This will be discussed later. A first step towards reaching that stage is to discover our security addictions and transform them into preferences. 

PLEASURE ADDICTIONS

All that we have said concerning security addictions also applies to pleasure addictions. The focus or motive may be different, but the result is the same. Our sensation addictions cause us to attempt to control the situations and people around us so we may obtain the sensual pleasure we desire.
We are seldom successful in obtaining all the sensations we "need." We can rarely control circumstances so as to have all sensual stimuli, such as tastes, sexual experiences, or the specific visual or audio inputs, as frequently as we would like them. Even when we can, the pleasure we receive from having them is short lived.
There is a saturation point after which the stimulus ceases to create pleasure. We then feel aversion toward the stimulus until our desire surfaces all over again. This keeps us constantly dissatisfied and unhappy, wasting considerable amounts of thought, energy, action, money and time on superficial pursuits.
It also causes us to perceive people as objects of pleasure or threats to our pleasure. As in the case of security and power addictions, our love will be self-seeking and conditional. If those we "love" do not supply what we want, i.e. security, pleasure or obedience, we stop loving them and feel hurt and angry. Much of what we call "love" is actually addictive attachments motivated by needs for security, sensation or power. Very few of us, if any, love selflessly and unconditionally without looking for something for ourselves in the relationship.
Sensation addictions are the cause of much unhappiness and conflict with our environment and others. We will be much happier when we transform these desires into preferences, when we prefer certain tastes, or experiences, or comforts. Then we are happy when we have them but can accept not having them, if that is the situation life is offering at the moment. Then we will not become depressed or angry with those around us, when our pleasure needs are not fulfilled.
It is natural that we need to find a balance between satisfying sensual needs and being free from them. This is not a matter of good and evil, right and wrong, or purity and sin. It has to do with freedom from mechanisms that limit our freedom, love and happiness. If we try to deny ourselves the pleasure we seek, we may become dry and lifeless in many ways, pursuing balance in perhaps other even less healthy ways. If, on the other hand, we are slaves to our desires, we can easily lose our health and happiness.

POWER AND AFFIRMATION ADDICTIONS

Power and affirmation addictions can also provoke emotions such as anger, fear, bitterness and conflict within ourselves and others. We seek in many subtle ways to manipulate others into behaving as we would like or as we need them in order to feel affirmed and powerful. We may do this with angry, aggressive words, with soft cajoling or by appearing weak, hurt, ill and helpless. The goal is to get things to be the way we want them to be, as opposed to the way the others would like them to be.
When functioning under the control of such attachments, everyone is seen subconsciously as an entity to be controlled, or as a threat to our power. In such cases, true love is not possible. We can easily feel attached to a person who increases our feelings of power or self worth, but if that person decides to rebel, change, give affirmation to others, or prefer them to us, we might then suffer and lose our feelings of "love" for that person.
Money is often used as an instrument of control. Parents often control their children by bribing them or withholding money. They may also withhold love and acceptance from the children as a way to manipulate their behavior. This results in negative consequences for both the children and the parents.
It is simply impossible to love steadily while playing power games or being motivated by power addictions. It is also difficult to be happy, for there is no love or peace in such motivations. The result is argumentation, hurt feelings and alienation.
On the other hand, As Ken Keyes, the author of the Handbook to Higher Consciousness, appropriately points out, it is important to remember, "You create as much suffering in the world when you take offence as when you give offence."
In other words, we can play the power game from the other end by becoming the victim and wallowing in feelings of helplessness, bitterness and hate. This is an addiction to powerlessness, which becomes a good excuse for not taking responsibility for our own lives.

FREEDOM ADDICTIONS

A number of us fear that our freedom is in danger. This is a natural result of the fact that we have in fact experienced a lack of freedom at times in our lives or witnessed others who have.
We have various ways of satisfying our freedom addictions. Some people feel "free" because they can smoke or eat or take drugs, others because they can have multiple sexual partners, others because they can buy whatever they like, others still because they refuse to do what others want or because they are rebelling towards the social norms.
We seldom ask ourselves whether, in fact, we are free to be happy in all situations. Whether we are happy not to eat excessively, not to smoke, and not to take tranquilizers. Whether we are free to be true to one love partner or free to cooperate with others when we would like to. Whether we are free to employ the disciplines which will create the health, vitality and peace of mind we are seeking.
Obviously, freedom to one part of our being might be slavery to another. We usually seek freedom from external obstacles rather than from internal ones, such as fears, attachments and addictions that limit our love, peace and happiness.
Consequently our happiness is basically obstructed by our attachments. These attachments are created by certain beliefs we need to change in order to transform our attachments into preferences.
Only then we will be able to seek and enjoy what we desire without losing our peace, love and happiness if we do not succeed.
We also need to think seriously about the difference between attachment and love, between being with someone because we need them or being with someone because we love them. This is the essential difference between relationships based on co-dependency or co-commitment. We will investigate this later on.METHODS

In this book we shall address ourselves to methods of freeing the mind from old "thought forms", and also from now useless or detrimental mechanisms which obstruct our peace, happiness, and further emotional maturity and spiritual evolution.
We shall present to you a variety of techniques and concepts which have been conceived through diversity of sources, systems and disciplines. All of the techniques and concepts presented have been employed by the author on himself and thousands of others through seminars and personal appointments.
As each individual is unique and thus his path to recovery, or to happiness, freedom or enlightenment is also unique, it is impossible to present here a specific path to follow in helping one's self or another.
The methods will be presented in an order starting from the more physically oriented, towards the analytical, then on to the subconscious and concluding with the spiritual. This would be the safest and most steady way to proceed, just as it is obvious that we need to construct a building from the ground up. However, there are persons who may start at other points along this path, and then move backwards or forwards in a random way as they respond to their particular needs at each point of their journey.
Thus, we need to be open to the individual flow of each human mind, including our own. Working with the human mind is similar to playing music spontaneously. On the one hand, we must know the notes well and their relationship with each and the laws of harmony. On the other hand, we must be able to respond simultaneously and freely to the notes that exist around us or in this case in the person with whom we are working.
Not knowing all the methods and their power and effects on the mind, would lead to disaster. Not being able to flow with the other's or our own needs, would lead to discord. Thus a basic prerequisite for using such techniques for helping others is having passed through each of them ourselves.© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com
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Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training
Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 4 - Supplement
CHAPTER 4 (POH)
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EVOLUTION

The word "psyche" comes from the Greek word for "soul." Psychology, then, should mean the study of the soul. As a science, however, it has given much more attention to the mind, which is merely an instrument for the soul, rather than to the soul itself.
When psychology began as a science not so long ago, the most well known name for some years was Sigmund Freud. Freud postulated the theory that man is motivated by various basic drives and needs, mostly sexual, which cause him to behave in the manner in which he does.
Psychologists now understand that man has other needs, which also motivate him and influence his behavior. The newer theories of psychology do not contradict or negate previous theories, but rather include them, while at the same time reaching out to a greater and more encompassing truth.
This trend of thinking, called Humanistic Psychology, takes into account healthy people and deals not only with illness, but with our individual and collective need for self actualization, or for manifesting greater portions of our inner potential.

THE EVOLUTION OF DESIRE

Why do we do what we do? Our basic needs motivate us to think, speak or act in the way we do? These needs become desires, which then evolve into motives, which finally express themselves in the form of thoughts, words and actions seeking to satisfy those needs and desires.
These needs have been arranged into a hierarchy of needs by Abraham Maslow, a renowned professor of psychology at Harvard University. The pyramid below clearly depicts this evolution of desires.

Diagram: HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

1. At the bottom of the pyramid we find our most basic needs which we share with all other life forms. Unless we are able to satisfy these needs for food, air, water, clothing, warmth, sex and whatever else we may need in order to preserve our life in the body, we will not feel free to pursue other more evolved urges.
2. Once we have satisfied these basic physiological needs, we then become concerned about shelter and safety. It is no longer enough to simply have a full stomach, air to breath, liquid to drink, and a comfortable temperature. We now want to create safety for the future. We create homes seeking to establish "safe" environments that we can control.
3. After fulfilling these two basic needs, we feel the urge to belong to some type of group. Marriage and family fulfill this need, as do all types of groupings, such as religions, organizations, cults, teams, sports groups, clubs, associations, societies, cities, countries and groups of countries. Each of us seeks various groupings through which to satisfy this need to belong with others in some way.
4. We then feel a need for self-esteem. We are no longer satisfied with simply belonging. Now we want to be known and respected by others. Our needs for self-esteem and self-confidence cause us to develop talents and abilities, and expand our physical and mental powers. This evolution of needs stimulates a corresponding evolution in our abilities and powers.
Each need serves to stimulate growth at each particular stage of evolution. Thus, we have evolved through the following stages.
1. Wandering food seekers,
2. Settlers and home builders,
3. Creators of families, societies, cities, and nations,
4. Creators of arts, sciences, technology, religion and philosophy.
This same evolutionary process occurs within each individual today as he or she matures from a helpless little child into a capable self-esteemed member of society.

NEEDS AND DESIRES

Let us distinguish a "need" from a "desire". Others may define these words in other ways, but for the purpose of this discussion, let us define a need as something that in reality is necessary for the maintenance of the body-mind balance and the spiritual evolution of the individual. A desireis a sense of lacking based on a previously existent need or the anticipation of a future need.
For example, the need to have enough food for the survival of the physical body can develop into a desire for more food than is necessary for that purpose. A habit is then created and we seek the food for other subconscious reasons, such as anxiety, boredom or sensual pleasure. Thus the need has become a desire.
The desire itself is not inherently negative. Whether or not a desire is useful, neutral or destructive is relative and personal. For example, an undernourished body will perish if not motivated by the need to search for food. Another individual may have found a healthy balancebetween his body's needs and his eating habits. Still another may be overcome with an abnormal desire for food, seeking security, meaning, pleasure, or relaxation through it to such a degree, that eating may become harmful to both the body and the mind.
Such a desire may monopolize such a high percent of an individual's thoughts, words and actions that it generates guilt, a poor self-image and frustration as well as ill health. Ultimately, he or she lives to eat, rather than eats to live.
The same example may be applied to any other need-desire, i.e. sex, a particular relationship, family situations, professional success, acceptance, esteem, etc. Each need has its function in propelling us forward in our evolutionary development, but when it stagnates into an endlessly reoccurring desire that knows no satisfaction, it becomes destructive.
These desires can become obsessions when we believe that there is a danger of them not
being fulfilled. Such negative programming that cause us to believe we will not be able to satisfy our needs is formed from our experiences starting in our mother's womb until about the age of 8 years old. Experiences we have after this age will affect us, but our basic subconscious programming and original life view is fairly well formed by the age of 8 years. 

SOCIAL PROGRAMMING

Unfortunately, because of the lack of awareness on the part of our well-meaning parents and teachers (and society as a whole), most of us have been conditioned in such a way as to lack self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence and inner security.
We have been programmed to believe that we do not deserve to be loved, and that we are weak and incapable. We have learned that the world and people are not to be trusted, and that we must be sly, hard and very cautious in order to protect ourselves and "get ahead" in the world. We have been conditioned to believe we will find happiness and contentment in money, a spouse and children, a highly respected profession and plenty of material possessions. We have learned that we should not express what we truly feel for fear of being hurt.
Instead of being motivated by actual natural needs, we are controlled by a false perception of reality based on this programming, which was recorded into our subconscious during those very impressionable and vulnerable years. We are motivated by a desire-based belief system which was founded on false perceptions of ourselves, others and reality itself.
Our goal now is to objectively analyze and understand this programming and reprogram ourselves with a more objective perception of ourselves and our reality so we may develop into the full happy, secure, content beings we have the potential to be.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION

Eventually we will feel the need for growth and freedom from the limitations of these old programs and will become motivated by the highest need of Maslow's pyramid, the need for self-actualization. We have fulfilled, to a certain extent, our lower needs but still remain unsatisfied. We have everything we "should" have in order to be happy according to society's programming, but we still feel "empty". We have an abundance of food, air, shelter, safety, a sense of belonging and the respect of those around us, but we still crave something more. We become aware that we have untapped resources latent within us and begin to work toward their manifestation.
Our need for growth overcomes our need for safety or to belong. Or perhaps we realize that we are safe, and that we do not need to spend so much time, thought, energy and money on satisfying these illusory desires, which are the result of early childhood programming. We begin to spend more time, energy and thought on overcoming our fears and weaknesses, and manifesting our inner beauty.
On the other hand, if we do not first feel secure, we are unable to grow. These states will alternate cyclically in our lives. There will be times of growth, followed by times in which we establish security at the new level. Then, often a state of confusion or conflict will emerge in order to create the necessary flexibility for further growth. Over and over again, these three states flow through our being.
1. First we are restless and confused, or in conflict.
2. Then we make an effort toward growth or change.
3. Finally, we experience the satisfaction of success in that effort.
In order to achieve inner peace, we must accept all three states (restlessness, effort, satisfaction) as equally necessary in our evolutionary progress.
When we feel insecure because of various life changes, we might revert to the more basic needs, focusing on food, sex, emotional interaction, smoking, drinking, etc. We all have our own ways of recapturing that secure feeling through such familiar activities.
Freud pointed out that the mouth is a security center for many people. The first form of security is the mother's breast from which we suck our first life-sustaining food, without which we would die. Later, the mouth is used for eating, smoking cigarettes, drinking and talking; all of which can be forms of security seeking.
When our basic safety needs (including a sense of belonging and self-esteem) are fulfilled, there awakens within us our first "meta-need" or the "the need to go beyond." According to Maslow, the "meta-need" is the need for self-actualization. We begin to feel the need to know ourselves more deeply, and eventually to transcend ourselves.
This is often a very difficult and crucial milestone. At this point, many of the previous activities and interactions, which used to fulfill us and give us pleasure now, seem meaningless. We may feel depressed and confused. Much of that upon which we had based our life may now seem trivial and unimportant.
Eventually, we place one foot in a new world of seeking self-actualization to test it out. With one foot standing in our newly found way and the other holding onto old concepts and habits for security, we often experience conflict with ourselves, our environment, and especially with families and close friends.
It does not have to happen this way, but it often does. Eventually, the transition is made and we find a new security based on our own inner Self.

OUR INNER NATURE

Let us examine what Abraham Maslow has to say about man's inner nature. If we replace the phrase "inner nature" with "soul" it will be much like reading a description of the soul, or higher self, as it is described in various philosophical and religious texts.
Here is a concise explanation of his "psychology of health" as expressed in his book Toward a Psychology of Being.

"There is now emerging over the horizon a new conception of human sickness and of human health, a psychology that I find so thrilling and so full of wonderful possibilities that I yield to the temptation to present it publicly even before it is checked and confirmed, and before it can be called reliable scientific knowledge".

(Various philosophical and spiritual systems have confirmed these same concepts for thousands of years).
"The basic assumptions of this point of view are:

"1. We have, each of us, an essential biologically based inner nature, which is to some degree 'natural' intrinsic, and in a certain limited sense, unchangeable, or at least, unchanging".

"2. Each person's inner nature is in part unique to himself and in part species wide".

(This is similar to the understanding that in one sense the soul is individual, and in another, it is one with the Collective Soul or "Oversoul", which is the unification of all souls).
"3. It is possible to study this inner nature scientifically and to discover what it is like - (not invent - discover)."

(This is the purpose of the various systems of self-discovery such as meditation and self-reflection).
"4. This inner nature, as much as we know so far, seems not to be intrinsically or primarily or necessarily evil. The basic needs (for life, for safety and security, for belonging and affection, for respect and self-respect, and for self-actualization), the basic human emotions and the basic human capacities are on their face, either neutral, pre-moral or positively good! Destructiveness, sadism, cruelty, malice etc. seem so far to be not intrinsic but rather they seem to be violent reactions against frustration of our intrinsic needs, emotions, and capacities. Anger is in itself not evil, nor is fear, laziness or even ignorance. Of course these can and do lead to evil behavior, but they needn't. This result is not intrinsically necessary. Human nature is not nearly as bad as it has been thought to be. In fact, it can be said that the possibilities of human nature have customarily been sold short".

(This is a direct comment on the way Freudian psychology, as well as the concept "original sin," have planted in so many of us a lack of trust in our inner nature. We have been conditioned to believe that we are intrinsically bad and helpless, that we must be controlled and guided by external forces rather than listen to our inner voice. It is when we ignore this inner voice that we lose our way.)
"5. Since this inner nature is good or neutral rather than bad, it is best to bring it out and encourage it rather than to suppress it. If it is permitted to guide our life, we grow healthy, fruitful and happy".

"6. If this essential core of a person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later.

"7. This inner nature is not strong and overpowering and unmistakable like the instincts of animals. It is weak and delicate and subtle and easily overcome by habit, cultural pressure, and wrong attitudes toward it".

(This has happened in most of us. Because of habit, cultural pressure, and primarily, a lack of belief in our inner nature, very few of us find the inner peace and harmony we could have if we were guided from within.)
"8. Even though weak, it rarely disappears in the normal person - perhaps not even in the sick person. Even though denied, it persists underground forever pressing for actualization".

"9. Somehow, these conclusions must all be articulated with the necessity of discipline, deprivation, frustration, pain and tragedy. To the extent that these experiences reveal and foster and fulfill our inner nature, to that extent they are desirable experiences. It is increasingly clear that these experiences have something to do with a sense of achievement and ego strength and therefore with the sense of healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.

The person, who hasn't conquered, withstood, and overcome, continues to feel doubtful that he could. This is true not only for external dangers; it holds also for the ability to control and to delay one's own impulses, and therefore to be unafraid of them".

Maslow made studies of people who were more inner-directed and had mastered themselves more than the average individual. These were people who had either fulfilled or had given up worrying about their basic needs and paid more attention to their need for self-actualization.
His psychological testing uncovered the following characteristics in these people:
"1. Superior perception of reality (less distortion through fears and complexes).

2. Increased acceptance of self, of others and of nature.

3. Increased spontaneity.

4. Increased problem-centering (ability to go the center of a problem).

5. Increased detachment and desire for privacy.

6. Increased autonomy and resistance to enculturation.

7. Greater freshness of appreciation and richness of emotional creation.

8. Higher frequency of peak experiences".

In peak experiences (that are actually beyond description) the ego is transcended, the sense of individuality is lost, and there is a feeling of oneness with the environment, whether it is with nature, with people or with God. It is a blissful experience that changes the person's life.
Peak experiences may come on the verge of death, or when a person thinks he or she is going to die. These experiences may also occur in nature, meditation, during an extreme emotional experience, during sexual orgasm, while creating intensively and in crisis conditions. They transcend the rational mind.
"9. Increased identification with the human species". Consequently, less identification with the personality.

"10. Changed (the clinician would say, improved) interpersonal relations.

11. More democratic character structure.

12. Greatly increased creativeness.

13. Changes in the value system".

Each of us possesses the capacity to further our self-actualization. Our lives will then be enriched in the above-mentioned ways and in many other ways that will allow us to experience greater peace, love, contentment and health in our lives.
SEEKING SELF ACTUALIZATION

Let us now turn our attention to how we can begin our own evolutionary journey toward self-actualization and manifest the latent qualities and powers within us.
The Eastern approach is dedicated to creating harmony in body-mind-soul complex, and to eventually draw down super-mental spiritual energies into the personality. The personality becomes more relaxed, loving, selfless and creative. This is achieved through practices such as dietary discipline, bodily exercises, breathing techniques, relaxation, meditation, prayer, chanting, and self-study, as well as by other means. These practices develop clarity of mind, a positive attitude toward life, health and vitality, and the will power required to make the necessary changes in the personality structure.
In this book, however, we shall concentrate more on the Western approach of analysis and the eventual reprogramming of the personality structure. Whereas the Eastern approach focuses on relaxing the body and mind, thus opening up to the influx of higher energies which will transform it, the western approach focuses on mentally observing and reprogramming the personality complex and its conditioning and thus its resistance toward these same higher energies.
My personal experience is that the best results are achieved when the two approaches are combined. The first brings greater awareness, clarity, peace and willpower, while the second enables us to manifest those qualities in our practical everyday interactions. A combination of disciplined spiritual practices and self-analysis can bring about joyous changes in anyone's life. Here we shall look more deeply into the self-analysis and reprogramming approach.© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com
v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement

4 The problem of needs

Dear Friends,

THE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER PAGE IS NOW AT

https://www.armonikizoi.com/2018/life19 with the password life19

May this find you all well and happy.

The lessons are:

1. The problem of needs

2. The Development of Needs and Attachments.

3. Why Your Needs Do Not Get Meet (supplement)

This is the first week you have some questions to answer and send in.

Note:

When answering these questions, do so in the body of the email allowing your answers to be a different color from the questions.

We will comment on them only when necessary.

Some may be used as examples for all for your further training, but your names will not be used.

Replying to this email will send your answers only to me.

If there is something you want to share with the group then send it to coachtraining@yahoogroups.com

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We are also including this time a correspondence with one of the trainees that might be useful to others.

Question: Hi Robert,

I'm thoroughly enjoying this course. This week, in addition to the lessons below, I spent a good deal of time reading The POH. I'm a bit conflicted over negative emotions. I believe that all negative emotions can be tied to our programming, beliefs, previous agreements we've made based on our upbringing, etc., and believe that negative energy spent could be better used for positive change and growth. At the same time, as stated in The POH and in my experience, it's not necessarily good for us to withhold emotions either. I realize that if we are working to change our beliefs and can recognize where those negative emotions come from, we can move away from needing to use our negative emotions and concentrate more on positive, however we all have moments where we get angry, frustrated, etc.

Can you clarify what you are referring to when talking about not holding in emotions as described in The POH.

Response:

I will try to clarify this subject.

As we are not yet enlightened, we naturally experience fear and the remaining gamut of emotions.

We would be in denial of we did not acknowledge that.

When these emotions exist, they naturally need to be acknowledged and accepted - but do not need to be expressed. (They can however be released in non harmful ways such as dancing, working, shouting, laughing or crying etc. - without needing any recipient of those energies.)

We can accept and acknowledge their existence without allowing them to control us or our actions. Of course this may happen anyway, but as we become every freer of these emotional programmings, we are are less and less controlled by them and can react more maturely.

Thus we do not suppress them and if possible we avoid throwing them onto others, but learn to observe them, accept them as temporary forms of energy in our body and mind and analyze their origin and mechanisms of creation.

We discover the beliefs that cause them and learn to alter our perception of what is happening, so that we eventually feel differently - not because we are suppressing any emotions, but because we are simply perceiving ourselves, others and events and situations differently.

Intellectually change of beliefs is not always enough and that is why we then often need to employ forms of energy psychology such as EFT, TAT, BSFF, and he Sedona method or psychodrama or behavioral therapy in order to make the necessary change in our energy body and experience.

We also sometimes need to deal with childhood experiences that are responsible for our present perceptions and sensitivities.

The first step however is what we will be doing in the coming lessons - discover the underlying beliefs.

Hope this is helpful.

Feel free to express any other needs or questions.

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With much Love,

Robert

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Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 4

The problem of needs

May this find you all well and happy.

(Please check the end of this lesson for your written assignment,

which as some point you will need to send in)

As we have seen until now, human happiness depends on need fulfillment. If we have or get what we need (or believe we need), we are happy. If not we feel fear, hurt, bitterness and anger.

The one greatest source of tension in ourselves and in our relationships is our need-conflicts. When the other does not behave in a way, which allows our needs to be fulfilled, we develop negative feelings toward that person.

We perceive him or her as the cause of our unhappiness. We are controlled by our needs and our relationships suffer when we feel that they are not being fulfilled.

When a need is not being fulfilled, there are four basic possible reasons why. Understanding these reasons will allow us to determine what we can do to solve the problem

1. One reason might be that we have not been communicating our needs clearly enough.Perhaps we are afraid to express our needs because of a fear of indifference, rejection or conflict. Thus, in such a case our lesson is to express our needs more assertively but with respect for the other through an I-message, which emphasizes what we need without criticizing, threatening or complaining.

We simply express our need, why we need it and how we feel when it is not satisfied.

2. Another reason why a need might not be fulfilled is that we have a subconscious block to that happening. Although we may want something, we may also feel subconsciously that we do not deserve it or fear that we may be in danger if we have it. One example is a woman who had been complaining that her husband was not doing enough at work or at home. When I asked her to imagine him doing more, she panicked, because she had been getting her self-worth from doing more than he had and being the "victim".

Another example is a person who complains about not finding a suitable relationship partner, but tends to connect with married persons or persons living far away or those who declare that they are not interested in a serious relationship. In such a case this person who wants the relationship also probably feels that he or she does not deserve one or will be in danger of being abandoned, suppressed or hurt in some way. Thus he or she is subconsciously blocking the fulfillment of this need.

3. A third reason why someone is not fulfilling our needs is that we are doing something or have done something in the past, or are playing some role which is causing the other to be unable to respond to our needs. A woman, who was complaining that her husband is aloof and does not respond to her, discovered that her tendency to criticize him was causing him to close up. This husband might find that this aloofness is causing his wife to be critical and thus not fulfill his need for acceptance.

People who tend to be over-responsible or perfectionists can attract irresponsible behavior from those around them.

4. A fourth reason might be that we have come to a point in our evolutionary process where it is time to transcend that particular need and feel secure, worthy and fulfilled without it being satisfied by a specific person or perhaps at all from the outside. Our evolutionary process is asking of us to find inner security, self-worth and fulfillment. Thus until we learn this lesson we "need" not to have our needs filled from outside and from others.

Having said the above, we might want to try out the following experiment. We can print two copies of the following list of possible needs. We can fill out the one and have our loved one fill out the other. (This list has been made for love partners, but all needs except for sexual ones can also be investigated in other relationships, especially parents and children.) The whole family can also do this.

Possible Lessons

Once you have discovered which of your needs are not being fulfilled as much as you would like, then you will need to move on to evaluate which of the following lessons you are being asked to learn:

a. To communicate more effectively concerning exactly what you need. Many needs are not fulfilled because we have not clearly expressed them. Or because we have expressed them with such tension and perhaps criticism and accusation that the other cannot respond.

b. To remove any subconscious fears or guilt, which may be obstructing your manifesting this in your life.

c. To adjust your behavior so that others are free to respond. We sometimes obstruct others from responding with our behavior.

d. To transcend this need at this time and be happy without it being fulfilled.

In the case you feel that at least one of your lessons is to communicate more effectively without criticism, accusations, threats or complaining, then you can share with each other what you have discovered and seek to respond even more to each other's needs.

Depending on the lessons you need to learn you will need to proceed differently.

We will discuss each of these possible procedures in future lessons.

The question at this point is which of the following do you need more of in your relationships.

Possible Needs

1. Love (or greater or more specific expression of it)

2. Respect.

3. Understanding (of what?)

4. Acceptance.

5. Acknowledgement and affirmation.

6. Trust.

7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs.

8. A peaceful environment.

9. Affection.

10. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers.

11. To listen to us without criticizing or giving advice.

12. To be satisfied with us.

13. To inspire us.

14.To be just with us - to behave towards us as he or she would like us to behave towards him of her.

15. To respect our beliefs and ideals.

16. Tο express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs.

18. Freedom of movement.

19. To keep our agreements.

20. To have patience with our weakness.

21. To support us during difficult moments.

22. To express gratitude for all that we offer him or her.

23. To acknowledge our positive qualities.

24. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need.

25. To get out more often.

26. For more rest.

27. For more help in the chores.

28.For greater attention when we speak.

29. To do more things together.

30. For greater responsibility on his or her part.

31. To be on time.

32. For more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness.

33. To be able to behave as we like in our home.

34. To take care of him/her self.

For Love Partners

35. Erotic contact.

36. To be sexually devoted to only us.

Other (add needs which are not above)___________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Also, Think of the Needs that Might Be Behind The Following:

Your complaining

Your criticism

Your impatience

Your refusal to cooperate

Your reactions

Your conflicts and arguments

The games that you play

Your competitiveness

Your teaching and sermons

Your anger

Note:

The same question of course can be asked of the others and what they need from us which they are not receiving.

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THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE NEEDS AND ATTACHMENTS

CHAPTER 4 (LCH)

In order to help another, or ourselves we must understand the human nature. We are an intricate and complicated combination of matter, energy, thoughts, emotions, mind and spirit.

If we want to help a human being free himself from his or her mental dilemma, we will have to take into consideration all factors affecting these varied levels of his or her being. No real healing can take place, if this transformation does not eventually affect all aspects of our multidimensional self.

Man is in reality an eternal spirit, which is divine in nature, but as yet imperfect in its ability to express that divinity on a physical, emotional and mental level. We are in a state of evolution, learning to more perfectly express our latent perfect self.

This spiritual self expresses itself through the vehicles of the mind and body. The mind differentiates into various levels of thinking and feeling, including the crystal clear spiritual discrimination of the higher mind, the intellectual functioning of the logical mind, the emotional vacillations of the subconscious mind and intuitive functionings of instinctive mind. Psychological and spiritual schools tend to divide the mind in different ways using words such as super ego, higher self, etheric body, astral body etc.

How we divide the mind and how we label each division is not important. We are describing the same one reality in different ways. What is important is how it works. Understanding how the mind works is a prerequisite to being able to free it from its negative programming.

THE ORIGIN OF MIND

The basis of reality is pure consciousness. This consciousness in its pure state is what we call God. It has no cause. It is eternal, omnipresent and is the creative source of all that exists. All that exists or occurs flows forth from this one universal divine, omnipotent consciousness.

This consciousness for its own reasons, which we cannot comprehend, began a process of expression starting with the Big Bang in which, according to most physicists, a tiny particle of incredibly dense matter exploded creating the whole of the universe as we know it. The vehicles of this expression; cells, plants, fish, reptiles, mammals and human beings evolved very slowly throughout millions of years, becoming more and more capable of expressing ever greater powers of creation latent within this consciousness.

The survival of the fittest, gradually lead to the development of the mind as the superior organ of survival. Through these various previous experiences as animals and primitive humans the mind learned to function in a way so as to recognize immediate and long term danger, gradually becoming almost totally focused on searching for, establishing and ensuring safety and abundance. The mind learned to perceive all others as competitors for those basic needs.

This competition for basic needs such as food, shelter, and territory gradually spilled over into other arenas as man's interests evolved. He would then compete for a mate, or for affirmation, power or for a special place in society. Gradually, man descended into ever deeper feelings of separateness and alienation from others, which caused him to develop various defense mechanisms so as to protect his material, psychological and social status.

He learned to identify his security with his self worth and social acceptance, and thus began to seek affirmation of his self worth through success in various arenas of "combat", such as money, power, appearance, professional status, sexual prowess, intelligence, morality, spiritual attainment etc.

Thus man who is spirit, which is evolving in his ability to express his divinity, because he is identified with his body and personality, has lost contact with his spiritual source and is engaged in the fight for "survival", affirmation, pleasure and power.

This causes him to become attached to specific persons, objects, situations, positions, and roles in his attempt to feel that he has secured his needs. He fights to obtain what he needs. If he does not achieve what he believes he needs, he feels that he is a failure, perhaps becoming depressive if he feels impotent to obtain what he desires. Or he may become bitter and angry towards those who have "obstructed" him from or "cheated" him out of what he needs. He develops positive feelings towards those who help him obtain what he "needs" and negative feelings towards those who obstruct him. He harbors jealousy towards those who have what he needs. He fears those who might take what he needs from him.

He fears losing what he has. He spends much energy trying to protect what he has. The more he feels he needs, the more energy he loses in trying to obtain, sustain and protect what he believes he needs.

These attachments become the cause of his conflicts with others. His relationships with family, friends and coworkers are strained because he frequently fears that their behavior embodies some type of danger for his person, usually that some of his needs will not be fulfilled.

MANAGING OUR NEEDS

These needs are basically:

1. To feel safe and secure from physical danger in the present and in the future.

2. To enjoy the pleasures of the senses.

3. To be accepted by others - to be a part of some group.

4. To be respected and admired - to be someone special in that group.

5. To have power (control) over his environment - to be the boss.

6. To love and be loved.

7. To create, to produce.

8. To grow, learn, and understand; mature on all levels of his being.

9. To experience unity with all.

Most of our needs can be listed in one or more of these categories. Our happiness and our emotional-mental-physical harmony depend on how we manage the relationship between our needs and what we have.

This management consists of three basic methods.

1. The first is learning to diminish the strength of our needs so that they are transformed from attachments to preferences. When are attached to something, we are unhappy when we cannot have it, and we fear losing it when we have it. When we prefer something, we are happy when we have it, but can also be happy if we do not, and are not overcome with anxiety with the fear of losing when we have it.

2. The second method is to become more adept at fulfilling needs, so that there is not such a great gap between what we want and what we have.

3. The third method is to allow our needs to evolve naturally. It is natural that in a process of evolution, that our needs will gradually change if we allow them to. Needs and desires are the natural powers of nature moving us in various directions. As spiritual evolution is the purpose of all creation, then our needs and desires will lead us in that direction, if we allow them to evolve naturally.

A child naturally loses its desire for dolls and toy cars. It naturally matures out of its need for its mother and father to be with it continually. In the same way, it is only natural for a mother to stop needing to play that role, when her children no longer need a mother. If she continued playing the role, not letting go of that need, which has naturally lost its usefulness in her life purpose, it would be painful for both her and the child. It is also natural to desire money and professional status while we are still raising a family. It is, however, a hindrance when our children have grown, and we can direct our energies towards activities more beneficial for the whole and for our own spiritual development.

OTHER STRATEGIES

When these three methods cannot be applied, the mind resorts to other strategies, in its attempt to manifest what it believes it must have in order to feel safe and happy. These other strategies are often comprised of behaviors, "games" or roles, which are often limiting to the soul's life purpose and in some cases self-defeating and self-destructive. In some extreme cases, they might be destructive towards the family or society as a whole. It is in such cases that extra help is needed in the form of the methods discussed in this book.

Of course, the first category in which our behavior, games or roles are limiting towards our soul's life purpose applies to all of us non-enlightened persons who are still growing spiritually. The very concept of growth or evolution means that we have not yet completed our self-actualization process and that we will likely have some aspects of our being which need to be enlightened.

Our work as Life Coaches is to enable our clients to clarify:

1. What their needs are which are not being fulfilled (not only in relationships as we have studied here - but all aspects of their lives such as money, home, professional satisfaction etc.)

2. To determine whether their lesson at this time is:

a. To communicate more effectively concerning exactly what they need.

b. To remove any subconscious fears or guilt which may be obstructing their manifesting this in their life.

c. To adjust their behavior so that others are free to respond.

d. To transcend this need at this time and be happy without it being fulfilled.

3. To help them remove all obstacles towards moving forward in the direction(s) that they choose.

Thus our happiness is a function of our ability to satisfy our needs and attachments and we are in a process of either becoming more capable at satisfying them or else learning to be happy without them.

Sometimes our lesson is to become free from the need (such as affirmation or acceptance from others) and sometimes it is to manifest it more dynamically.

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This week's Exercise:

Note:

When answering these questions, copy and paste them into a new file and place your answer after the questions so that we can see the questions and the answers simultaneously.

We will comment on them only when necessary.

Some may be used as examples for all for your further training, but you names will not be used.

A. Make a list of your needs that are not satisfied to the degree that you would like in your life today.

B. Select the three needs that are not being satisfactorily satisfied that are most important for you today.

Now for each of those three needs try to answer the following questions and send them in to us to applications@holisticharmony.com

1. Do you expect more from others in order to satisfy this need? (From whom?)

2. What emotions do you have when you focus on the fact that this need is not being satisfied in your life?

3. What do you think your lesson is in relationship to this problem? (Look at the possibilities in number 2 above.)

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© Copyright - Robert Elias Najemy - https://www.HolisticHarmony.com

v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement

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Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 4 - Supplement

Why Your Needs Do Not Get Meet

Relationships and need - conflicts

The one greatest source of tension in relationships is our need-conflicts. When the other does not behave in a way, which allows our needs to be fulfilled, we develop negative feelings toward that person.
We perceive him or her as the cause of our unhappiness. We are controlled by our needs and our relationships suffer when we feel that they are not being fulfilled.
When a need is not being fulfilled, there are four basic possible reasons why. Understanding these reasons will allow us to determine what we can do to solve the problem
1. One reason might be that we have not been communicating our needs clearly enough.Perhaps we are afraid to express our needs because of a fear of indifference, rejection or conflict. Thus, in such a case our lesson is to express our needs more assertively but with respect for the other through an I-message which emphasizes what we need without criticizing, threatening or complaining.
We simply express our need, why we need it and how we feel when it is not satisfied.
2. Another reason why a need might not be fulfilled is that we have a subconscious block to that happening. Although we may want something, we may also feel subconsciously that we do not deserve it or fear that we may be in danger if we have it. One example is a woman who had been complaining that her husband was not doing enough at work or at home. When I asked her to imagine him doing more, she panicked, because she had been getting her self-worth from doing more than he had and being the "victim".
Another example is a person who complains about not finding a suitable relationship partner, but tends to connect with married persons or persons living far away or those who declare that they are not interested in a serious relationship. In such a case this person who wants the relationship also probably feels that he or she does not deserve one or will be in danger of being abandoned, suppressed or hurt in some way. Thus he or she is subconsciously blocking the fulfillment of this need.
3. A third reason we someone is not fulfilling our needs is that we are doing something or have done something in the past, or are playing some role which is causing the other to be unable to respond to our needs. A woman, who was complaining that her husband is aloof and does not respond to her, discovered that her tendency to criticize him was causing him to close up. This husband might find that this aloofness is causing his wife to be critical and thus not fulfill his need for acceptance.
People who tend to be over-responsible or perfectionists can attract irresponsible behavior from those around them.
4. A fourth reason might be that we have come to a point in our evolutionary process where it is time to transcend that particular need and feel secure, worthy and fulfilled without it being satisfied by a specific person or perhaps at all from the outside. Our evolutionary process is asking of us to find inner security, self-worth and fulfillment. Thus until we learn this lesson we "need" not to have our needs filled from outside and from others.
Having said the above, we might want to try out the following experiment. We can print two copies of the following list of possible needs. We can fill out the one and have our loved one fill out the other. (This list has been made for love partners, but all needs except for sexual ones can also be investigated in other relationships, especially parents and children.) The whole family can also do this.
Possible Lessons

Once you have discovered your needs, which are not being fulfilled as much as you would like, then you will need to move on to evaluate which of the above lessons you are being asked to learn:
a. To communicate more effectively concerning exactly what you need.
b. To remove any subconscious fears or guilt which may be obstructing your manifesting this in your life.
c. To adjust your behavior so that others are free to respond.
d. To transcend this need at this time and be happy without it being fulfilled.
In the case you feel that at least one of your lessons is no communicate more effectively without criticism, accusations, threats or complaining, then you can share with each other what you have discovered and seek to respond even more to each other's needs.
Depending on which lessons you need to learn you will need to proceed differently.
We will discuss each of these possible procedures in future articles.
The question at this point is which of the following do you need more of in this relationship.
Possible Needs

1. Love (or greater or more specific expression of it)
2. Respect
3. Understanding (of what?)
4. Acceptance
5. Acknowledgement and affirmation
6. Trust
7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs.
8. A peaceful environment
9. Affection
10. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers.
11. To listen to us without criticizing or giving advice.
12. To be satisfied with us.
13. To inspire us.
14.To be just with us - to behave towards us as he or she would like us to behave towards him of her.
15. To respect our beliefs and ideals.
16. Tο express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs.
18. Freedom of movement
19. To keep our agreements
20. To have patience with our weakness.
21. To support us during difficult moments.
22. To express gratitude for all that we offer him or her.
23. To acknowledge our positive qualities.
24. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need.
25. To get out more often
26. For more rest
27. For more help in the chores.
28.For greater attention when we speak
29. To do more things together
30. For greater responsibility on his or her part.
31. To be on time
32. For more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness.
33. To be able to behave as we like in our home.
34. To take care of him/her self.
For Love Partners

35. Erotic contact.
36. To be sexually devoted to only us
Other (add needs which are not above)___________________________________
_________________________________________
Also, Think of Which Needs Might Be Behind The Following:

Your complaining
Your criticism
Your impatience
Your refusal to cooperate
Your reactions
Your conflicts and arguments
The games which you play
Your competitiveness
Your teaching and sermons
Your anger
(Adapted from the forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy.

6 Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Dear Friends,

May this find you all well and happy.

In this lesson you are receiving the main lesson and the supplementary one:

In between the two lessons, you will find the written exercises for this week, which is essentially the same as last week. We need to learn how to analyze emotional states.

Love and Peace,

Robert

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Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 6

May this find you all well and happy.

Your assignment for last week was to analyze your self with the help of the questions stated at the end of the last segment.

This week we have the same assignment.

Choose another subject and make the same analysis.

Now, we will discuss chapter 6 from the Life Coach Handbook.

(Although we will be sending you pieces of those chapters, you may want to read them.

Stimuli and Emotional Mechanisms

We want to help ourselves and others understand the nature of our emotional mechanisms, which function automatically, quickly and unconsciously. These are automatic mental functions; they don't pass through our logic. We react subconsciously and experience emotional situations and reactions, which affect us and others negatively without our logic playing any role (in ..).

These automatic mechanisms were once necessary for our survival.

They are mechanisms by which the organism, observing its environment, could determine where there was danger and where not. These mechanisms have been naturally developed out of need for self-defense and survival. We had to listen to sounds around us, watch the events and interpret them as dangerous or not dangerous.

We want to take these reactions, see them in "slow motion", so as to understand exactly what is going on.

We want to bring them up to light and analyze them to see if this reaction or that emotion has any logic:

1. First as regards our common sense

2. And also if the other or we can accept them as spiritual truths; whether they seem true spiritually.

When you will be working with people, you will have these two basic arguments:

1. For those who do not accept spiritual truths, you will stick only to common logic.

2. For those who accept them, you have a second way of helping them, the spiritual truths.

We have learned to interpret many stimuli as threatening and endangering to our security, self-worth and freedom to satisfy our needs, which are in fact not actually a problem. Our programming causes us to see danger when it does not exist. We are here to help others and our selves get free from these false perceptions.

Most of the Stimuli we have belong to certain categories

1. First, there are stimuli that concern our Relationships. Most of the problems you will be facing in groups and during personal appointments are relationship problems, when someone is upset because of the other's behavior.

2. A second, one is events: like an earthquake, a court case, and illness, loss of money, a divorce or death of a beloved.

3. A third, category of stimuli concerns the working place, such as our income, relationships with co-workers, satisfaction, fears of failure etc.

4. A fourth level, has to do with the Health or Appearance of the body. I happen to know persons who have not gone out of their home, for years, because they believe their «appearance is not good enough.»

These are the four levels, Relationships, Events, Work and Body.

5. There are moments when the stimulus does not exist, it is a thought of the past or for the future. When we are looking for why we do not feel well, we might eventually understand that the stimulus is not something happening this moment, but something that happened i.e. ten years ago, or it is something that we fear will happen in the future. Thus, the stimulus is our own thought, when we think of the past or the future.

6. Another category, is when the stimulus is the functioning of the mind itself. As, when I see that, i.e. I get upset and feel jealous, afraid, embarrassed, angry, self-rejection or disappointment. We might have feeling about the fact that we have these feelings. We will call these secondary emotions.

The Stimuli and Our Mental Filters

Now, which are the filters which the mind passes each and every event or stimulus through as it seeks to determine whether what is happening is dangerous or not?

First question our mind asks is: "Is my security in danger?" (this may concern money, violence, or a relationship).

Second question: "Is my self-worth in danger?"

Third question: "Is my freedom in danger?"

Fourth question: "Is my pleasure in danger?"

All these filters exist in the mind and the stimulus must pass through all of them. If any of these mental filters is activated by the doubt or belief that we might be in danger, we experience fear, insecurity, anger etc.

If, the danger of not having something we need exists, we may react either by:

1. Isolating ourselves,

2. Or by becoming offensive,

3. Or by self-destructive behavior.

If this event or words, manage to pass through these filters, without activating the sense of danger, then we feel indifference, peace or happiness.

But, if these filters are activated, we feel danger and experience automatic mechanisms of isolation, escapism, stress, attack thoughts, which then create our reactions towards the environment and a vicious cycle starts.

This also affects our health and our relationships with others. These reactions have to do with the mechanism of "I will either fight or flight". It is linked with adrenaline, with the endocrine system, with the nervous system and the immune system.

We, as civilized people, do not usually run or fight and this adrenaline is not consumed. It stays in our system as negativity, as a negative element, and it gradually starts creating psychosomatic illnesses and various negative psychological phenomena, first in the energy and afterwards in the material body.

Basic Emotions

Now, as regards our Emotions. We can say that there are three basic emotions.

1. The first is Love, based on Security and Unity. I feel love, when I feel secure. The truth, according to the spiritual path, is that, man's essence is love. Man loses his love and his openness, only when he feels he is in danger, and this is when these mechanisms and isolation start functioning.

2. The second basic emotion is Fear, based on separateness and the sense of danger. This leads to many defensive reactions.

3. The third emotion is Guilt, which is directly linked with fear. Guilt increases because we feel unworthy of love, of support and of God's Grace, we feel out of unity and harmony with God and the universe and we thus do not have the feeling of being worthy of protection and support. We may believe we deserve to be punished and thus fear negative events for our loved ones and or ourselves. And, for some people, if punishment does not come, they might even undertake their own self-punishment and self-destruction.

There are of course many other emotions that we will analyze, but along with pain, these are the main ones.

When someone has many emotions at the same time, our work is to help him identify and understand each emotion separately, so as to be able to free himself or herself from it, gradually.

Reactions

Now, regarding reactions. We will mention some probable reactions.

1. The first reaction might be an attempt to remove the stimulus.

2. The second is to deny the existence of the stimulus such as when someone refuses to accept death and months must pass before he or she accepts that someone has died. Or, someone who is about to die of a serious illness may refuse to accept this truth.

3. Another reaction is to attack or become aggressive in order to remove the stimulus and keep it distant.

4. Another reaction is the effort for communication regarding the problem, which is usually a more mature means of solving the problem. This depends, of course, on how we communicate.

5. Another reaction is to avoid communication and close ourselves into our own world or ignore the other or the problem.

6. Becoming sarcastic or critical is another possible reaction.

7. Or, we may play the role of the Victim and we start pleading or nagging, or complaining and we generally radiate negativity.

8. Or, we may pretend to be indifferent, when in reality we are not.

These reactions afterwards become stimuli for others

In the next segment we will discuss how to perform Active Listening so as to help others clarify their stimuli, emotions, beliefs and reactions.

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Exercise

Copy and paste these questions and answer in between them.

This week's work assignment is the same as last. Please make another analysis of an emotion which is bothering you and from which you would like to free yourself. If you need help read chapter five (LCH).

1. Select one main stimulus of those that you would like to work on at this point of your life, so as to be able to retain your inner peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with that particular stimulus.

2. What exactly happens which triggers this emotional mechanism in you? (what is the stimulus - box no. 1) describe in some detail so that we can understand exactly what it is about that which bothers you.

3. What emotions do you feel when in contact with that stimulus? If you have various emotions at different times, think of them all. (box no. 3)

4. What do you believe

a. About what is happening?

b. About your own self?

c. About life itself?

which makes you feel those emotions when in contact with that stimulus? ( box no. 2)

5. How do you react when you feel those emotions in those situations,

a. Internally?

b. Externally (what is your behavior like)? (box no. 4)

6. Which beliefs would you like to change so as to be able to retain your peace, happiness, love and unity even when confronted with the particular stimulus we are now talking about, which until now created problems for you?

7. What new beliefs would help you to confront this matter differently?

Send in your self-analysis to applications@holisticharmony.com

See the supplement below:

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Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 6 - Supplement

CHAPTER 7 (POH)

CONCEPTS, TOOLS AND METHODS FOR SELF TRANSFORMATION

Our beliefs control the way in which we perceive and react to the world around us. Happiness can be experienced by adjusting and transforming our belief system. This process will be aided by contemplating the following:

THREE CONCEPTS WHICH FACILITATE OUR (And others) TRANSFORMATION

1. We are all responsible for our reality. We are responsible for our happiness, our health and our transformation. We will benefit greatly by accepting the responsibility for our inner reality, which we have created up to this point, and that only we have the ability to transform.

We would do well to stop placing the blame for our problems on other people, our environment or society.

We also must realize that every situation offers us the choice to:

1. Accept, change and improve,

Or

2. Resist, resent and descend into negativity.

It is seldom that someone else can make us happy by providing us with security, love and understanding. These are attributes we need to develop within ourselves. We cannot lay the responsibility for our health and happiness on our doctor, psychologist, priest or spiritual guide. They can help us, but they cannot do it for us.

We are responsible for learning how to care for our bodies and minds. We have the power to create health or suffering. The choice is ours.

We are not, however, at fault. There is a great difference between "fault" and "responsibility." The word "fault" indicates there has been some wrongdoing or mistake. It is not our fault that we are not as well as we could be. It is a matter of evolution. We simply have not yet arrived at the level of personal and group awareness where we can create a more harmonious reality. We are presently in the learning stage.

A flower bud is not at fault because it has not yet blossomed. It will eventually bloom and become a flower. We do not look for the fault that has prevented it from becoming a flower. We do not reject the bud. We accept where it is in its evolutionary process. We know that it is only a matter of time.

Thus, taking responsibility for our life doesn't mean feeling guilty for what we have created. It simply means moving forward and blossoming into the flower that we latently are.

Just as others cannot create happiness for us, we cannot create happiness, health or success for others.

2. We can change. We have the ability and the right to change any aspects of our personality that we would like to improve. If we do not believe we can change, then we simply won't. Believing we can change allows us to focus on what we have the potential to become rather than remain lost in feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

On the other hand, it is essential that we also accept ourselves exactly as we are. Acceptance and self-esteem are the first steps towards self-transformation, while self-rejection stands as a major obstruction to the process.

3. We are all eternal souls in the process of evolution. It is not mandatory that all accept this concept in order to benefit from this system of self-analysis. The belief that we exist as a spiritual consciousness beyond the body-personality complex does, however, offer us greater inner security and objectivity in our self-analysis process. Believing that we are separate from the personality, and that it is an instrument through which we are functioning, allows us to accept changes in the personality more easily. We can be more objective in analyzing the personality, because we can view it from the outside in a more detached way.

This identification with our spiritual nature offers us a position of security during this difficult period in which the personality may experience changes in its value systems, habits and belief systems. The personality seldom feels secure and safe for any period of time, unless it has contact with a frame of reference outside itself. We usually choose relationships, money, objects or even work as external frames of reference in order to feel secure and to identify our selves. Contact with our spiritual center, which is unaffected by the changing external world is an exceptional source of inner security, which liberates us from dependence on these external frames of reference.

We would do well to learn to feel this "I" who is beyond all these temporary, passing identifications and states of mind. When we identify with our true self, we can objectively observe and correct our personality.

THREE TOOLS WHICH WILL FACILITATE OUR TRANSFORMATION.

1. I accept and love myself as I am. Many of us do not accept and love ourselves, but instead feel we are unworthy and unlovable. The process of self-analysis is more painful without some degree of self-acceptance and self-love. Otherwise, as we discover the many weaknesses, attachments and fears from which we have been operating, we may begin to feel even more negative about ourselves, and our situation may worsen rather than improve.

We have had the "luxury" until now of blaming others for our unhappiness. Realizing that we ourselves create our reality can mistakenly lead towards self-rejection. This occurs because we are convinced someone must be wrong and at fault. When we realize that no mistake has been made and that all is happening in our lives in order to provoke our growth process, we will be able to accept and love ourselves and others exactly as we are.

For some, it may seem contradictory to accept and love ourselves as we are while, at the same time, we are seeking to change some of our behaviors and improve our attitude toward life. Deeper thought, however, will show that they are not contradictory when understood in the right sense.

When we are in the fourth grade, we do not hate ourselves and feel guilty because we cannot do what the tenth graders are able to do. We have patience with ourselves and know that someday we will arrive at that level as we grow and learn. At the same time, however, we would not like to stay in the fourth grade for eternity. Thus, we can accept ourselves exactly where we are, but also desire to keep evolving and improving ourselves.

When we speak of accepting and loving ourselves, we mean loving ourselves on three levels.

* We love the true or inner self, which is constant throughout the years of growth and change.

* We accept and love our personality at its present stage of evolution.

* We accept and love our body as it is.

We accept and love the body and mind as vehicles through which we evolve. We accept them as we continue to perfect them.

Our inner self is the self which we call «I» throughout the various changes in our personality and body, such as:

* Age; we referred to the same "I" when we were 2 years old, 15, 25 and now. We have different interests and beliefs and yet the same "I" is in there.

* State of consciousness such as waking, dreaming, and sleeping. Although these three states are totally different, the same I is experiencing them.

* Roles; we speak of ourselves as "I" when playing various roles, such as parent, child, spouse, friend, professional, etc. We manifest ourselves into so many different roles, such as mother, daughter, sister, friend, house cleaner, employer, employee, artist, cook, businessperson, driver, secretary, etc. All these roles are temporary and do not define what or who we are.

* We pass through many emotional states, such as anger, fear, hate, joy, pleasure, pain, discontentment, contentment, love, peace, anxiety and depression, yet there is an «I» who remains constant throughout all the above mentioned changes.

This unchanging witness of all these roles and states is our real "I".

When a child is at fault or makes a mistake, we try to help the child by correcting him, but we do not stop accepting or loving him. We can treat our personalities in much the same way. When our car or camera breaks down, we do not feel badly about ourselves.

We try to find out what is wrong with the machine or instrument and fix it. The body and personality are instruments that we use in our contact with and our evolution through the physical world. Thus, if we discover some weakness or faults within the personality complex, we do not need to feel self-hate or guilt, but rather consciously and clearly decide to remove whatever weakness or fault is causing the problem.

Thus self-acceptance and change are like the two pedals of a bicycle with which we progress through the fields of self-transformation.

2. Honesty with ourselves and others. If we hide the truth from ourselves or others, we will only delay our progress. We must be ready to see and express the truth about ourselves, no matter how uncomfortable or vulnerable we may feel in the process. The self-acceptance mentioned previously will help us discover the inner security necessary to re-cultivate this honesty.

3. Practice - Persistence - Patience. These are the three P's which will propel us toward success in our self-transformation process. Without practice of the various techniques offered, not much progress will be made. This practice must be persistent and regular. If we make effort for a short period of time, or only sporadically, we will not enjoy long-term results. Patience is absolutely essential, for we are not going to change 30, 40 or 50 years of conditioning in a few weeks, or even in a few months. Thus, we must make continuous effort and be very patient as we anticipate the results.

THREE METHODS OF OBJECTIVE SELF-OBSERVATION

This process of self-observation can be facilitated in three basic ways:

1. We can keep a daily diary. Our observations will be much clearer and more fruitful if they are written down on paper. When we simply observe mentally, there is ample room for contradictions to coexist and details to slip by. Our problems breed in a confusion of unclear emotions and thoughts.

Writing down our thoughts helps us to perceive our personalities much more clearly.

These observations are even more effective when written in the third person using the pronoun «he» or «she» or our first name, i.e. Mary or John, which allows for more objective observation.

If we use the pronoun «I», we might find it more difficult to write the truth. Also, we will be identifying with the wrong "I", that is, with the personality rather than with the soul, who is now observing the personality and writing about it in the third person.

In this daily diary, we can keep a record of the major emotional experiences and thoughts we experience each day. In this way, we will gradually uncover the basic emotional patterns that we have repeatedly created in our lives. We can then analyze the inner causes of these experiences, and record daily the major positive and negative emotions.

Each month, we can set aside a special time to read through what we have observed to draw conclusions and make some decisions about what we would like to do to improve our reality if we are not satisfied with it.

2. We can work with questionnaires for more objective self-analysis. In later sections, we will discuss some penetrating questions which will help us discover the attachments, aversions, fears, goals, values, talents and inclinations which motivate our thoughts, words and actions, and thus create our reality. It is best to answer these questions also in the third person for increased objectivity as explained above. (Check out such questionnaires on our web site)

3. Psychologically oriented growth groups can be very helpful in providing support and feedback to those who are going through this process. Being with others who have the same goal of self-discovery offers us strength and courage to continue and overcome the possible difficulties that may arise. The group may also offer objective insight into our problems.

Most groups have guidelines which discourage giving advice, since the basic premise is that we have our own particular answers within ourselves and it is best that we learn to dig within ourselves and find them. In such groups, the members learn active listening techniques through which they help each member through their questions and not through advice.

As the members of the group learn to trust each other more, they begin to open up and become freer and more honest in their communication. The group becomes a laboratory where we experiment with new ways of relating and being, as a step toward doing the same in society at large.

Our results will be proportional to the energy, sincerity and thought that we put into it.

7b

studio . grapsas <studio.grapsas@gmail.com>

Lesson 7b - Stage I - Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

HolisticHarmony.com <ren@otenet.gr>

27 Νοεμβρίου 2019 - 9:19 π.μ.

Προς: life coach 19 <ren@otenet.gr>

Dear Friends,

This week I will not send you another lesson.

As most of you have not gotten set up to do the chat, or have not done it, I am giving you a third week to do so before moving no to the next lesson.

I am sending you again the pairing for your active listening session as described in the last two lessons.

You will send these to me so that I can comment on them.

Love,

Robert

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. Details about pairing up and time zones:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Partners for working together

We are sending you a list of partners for this week's (2 weeks) exercise because in that way:
1. We avoid confusion of random looking for someone over the internet.
2. By rotating you, you get a chance to work with a variety of persons and issues and thus are are more prepared for the various kinds of persons you will encounter in your practice.
3. We will be occasionally paring you with experienced life coaches who are not on your list.
4. No one will be left out and no one will have to work with two people.
Once you find your partner on the list go to
https://www.armonikizoi.com/2016/life-coach-group-16

Type in the password = life16

to find more information about him or her.
Then send them an initial email to verify the email addresses you will be using.
Decide together on a time that you will be connecting.
Remember to have competed studying this weeks lessons and understand the art of active listening before your session together.

A useful site where you can get much help in understanding our relative time zones and convenient hours for communication.
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/ and
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/meeting.html

For lesson 7 of Stage I ---- the pairing is as follows:
If you cannot communicate with these address you may need to create msn addresses. They are free.
Send them immediately if the addresses below will not work for you.

Have fun getting to know each other and helping each towards clarity.
If I have left anyone out, please let me know.

Your pairs for the first Active Listening Session are:

1 Please let me know if your name is not here or if I have made any mistakes.

2

3 Dear Friends,As this is our first active listening chat, we will need to work out some of the details. Later on it will run more smoothly.I am pairing up first those who have sent in their data for the getting to know each other page.Please check your info there and send me any important (only) changes.I am trying in the beginning as much as possible - but not exclusively - to pair you up with someone who is living in a time zone close to you. Eventually you will be paired with others further away.Here are the first Pairs. You will have two weeks for this.
We also have «Helpers» who are here to fill in when you cannot find your partner.
If you partner does not respond within five days, let us know and we will pair you up with someone else.

The "Chat" must be in written form in order for us to view and comment on.

Many do this with SKYPE (written - not verbal), but you can use any other means.

You can get to know each other verbally, but you will need to do the active lisetening in written form as a "chat".

Dimitris Michailidis - Kavala Greece dimic2003@yahoo.gr with Niki Stylianou Greece nikistylianoujewelry@gmail.com

Maria Krezia Greece mkrezia@gmail.com with Athanasia Boutzoti Greece athanasiaboutzoti70@gmail.com

Vivian Melas Greece vivian.melas@gmail.com with George Tetradis Greece geogr8@gmail.com

Argyris Matsentides Cyprus matsentides.arg@gmail.com

FRANCES (American) (helper) in Greece derag@otenet.gr

Zulfiqar Ali (helper) zulfiqar.meghani@gmail.com, zulfiqar_meghani@hotmail.com (Pakistan)

Andrea Rönnberg in Sweden (helper) andrea.ronnberg@gmail.com

You in reserve can also pair between each other

************************************

Please verifying if you are continuing or if you will be discontinuing for some reason.

=====================================

In reserve for someone who cannot connect with their partner.

FRANCES (American) (helper) in Greece derag@otenet.gr

Zulfiqar Ali (helper) zulfiqar.meghani@gmail.com, zulfiqar_meghani@hotmail.com (Pakistan)

Andrea Rönnberg in Sweden (helper) andrea.ronnberg@gmail.com

You in reserve can also pair between each other

************************************

Let me know if you have any difficulties connecting.

Love,

Robert

8 active listening

Η αιτία των συναισθημάτων μου είναι η πεποίθηση. Αλλάζω την πεποιπθηση.

Dear Friends,

May this find you all well and happy.

In this lesson we will move deeper in some of the possible questions we might ask in active listening. You will not need to do a chat for this lesson. We will get back to that in future lessons. In this lesson you will be analyzing yourselves more deeply with these questions.

I want to say that I have been very very pleased with all of the active listening sessions I have received until now.

You have all done a very good job. Keep it up.

I am still waiting for some of you.

You will be receiving lessons throughout this period.

Peace,

Robert

Lesson no 8 includes:

1. Lesson # 8 on Active Listening - continued.

2. As an attachment a pdf file of a diagram with a flow chart for active listening.
3. Your exercise of the week

Holistic Harmony Life Coach Training

Stage I - Clarifying & Understanding Problems

Lesson # 8

May this find you all well and happy.

Your assignment for last week was to perform active listening with fellow trainee.

ACTIVE LISTENING part 2
CHAPTER 6 b (LCH)

Let us now go through the accompanying chart with the title THE STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING. (fig. 5) (Check it out on the ebook if you cannot see it here.)

1. THE PROBLEM - It is important that the individual is able to clearly define the problem he/she wants to solve. Some people, in their confusion, perceive the problem in a very *cloudy way, often combining *many different problems together, or *confusing their own problems with those of others. In such situations, solutions are often impossible to find, as we have no clear description of the problem.

Questions that will aid us in defining the problem.

a. Considering all that you have told us, would you like to make the matter more concrete by finishing the phrase,

*"more specifically the problem I want to solve is ..........."

b. What exactly is it that you want here?

c. Please describe exactly how you would like your reality to be concerning this subject?

d. Is your problem *what is happening here *or how you perceive yourself reacting to it? Are you upset about what is happening or more so about how you are reacting to it, or both?

This is to determine whether our problem is *the events that are causing the emotions, or perhaps it is *the result of the emotions themselves or *the bodily reactions to those emotions. This will be discussed later on.

2. WHAT EXACTLY IS THE STIMULUS - Our next goal is to determine the stimulus. People often are confused about what exactly is stimulating their emotions. They are also confused about what their emotions are.

We must remember that stimuli can be *external or *internal i.e. mental. An external stimulus could be something someone *said or did, or an event such as a loss of money or theft, or death of loved one, or *a failure at some endeavor, or some *event or result in the lives of our loved ones.

Internal stimuli could be thoughts about events of the past or about possible ones in the future. Thus our *thoughts themselves can be stimuli, as can be our *emotions. For example, one can have negative feelings about the tendency of the mind to fear, get confused, or be attached to the past. Thus we can have feelings about how our mind functions.

For example, we might feel shame about sexual feelings or fantasies. Thus, there might be one stimulus (a person or image) creating the sexual feelings, while those feelings then become the stimulus for feelings such as shame, guilt of fear because we have those feelings. We call these second stage emotions that are found on our diagram on level 4, because they are based on our emotions as stimuli.

Another example is that we feel fear because of some *external event or some *thought about the future, or because we notice some *physical symptoms such a rapid or irregular heart beat or difficulty in breathing. Now as our fear or bodily reactions come into our awareness, we feel *shame or *fear or even *anger interpreting this as weakness.

In such a case, as we want to help this person, we will need to clarify with our questions whether he/she wants to *work on his/her fear of the original stimulus or on *his/her reactions to the emotions created by his/her original reactions. In most cases, we will need to investigate both, but each will need to be analyzed *separately, as other beliefs are working in each case. Other beliefs cause us to feel fear or jealousy or anger while other beliefs force us to feel unhappy about having these emotions.

It is also very important to distinguish between the stimulus and our interpretation of the stimulus. For example, the other may tell us that the stimulus is that their spouse is rejecting them, or that their child does not love them. But these, in most cases, are interpretations of actions or behaviors and not the behaviors themselves. For example, if we ask, "what does the other do which makes you feel that they do not love you or reject you?", we might get answers such as, "they do not agree with me." " They do not participate with me in what I want to do?" " "My child continues to want to marry that person, whom I find totally unacceptable." "When I talk to him, he has his newspaper in front of him." " She tells me lies." "He doesn't pay any attention to me." "She is always accusing me and correcting me." "He still smokes in the house, although, I have told him repeatedly that it bothers me."

All of these are events that can be discussed as *stimuli. The conclusions however, that the other does not love me or rejects me, are subjective interpretations as to why the other is behaving in this way. These *interpretations are not the stimuli, but beliefs which belong to 5th level of the analysis. These are what we believe about the stimulus.

Questions which aid in defining the stimulus.

1. What exactly is it which is happening which causes you to feel the way you feel?

2. What exactly is it that the other does which makes you feel that way?

*3. What kind of behavior would you like from the other?

*4. How would you like things to happen in this situation?

5. What are the others exact words or actions that bother you most?

3. OUR EMOTIONS

Few of us have a very intimate contact with our feelings. When we ask someone what they are feeling, they often answer vaguely, "bad, unhappy, upset, disturbed, negative." We want to get a more specific description of the emotional state with words that describe more accurately the emotion we have. *Only then can we discover the beliefs that are causing the emotions and the problem. Thus we are looking for more specific descriptions such as *anger, hurt, bitter, fear, guilt, shame, love, joy, peace, jealousy, hate etc.

Secondly, we confuse emotions with beliefs. To the question," what are you feeling?", some may answer "I feel that you do not love me." "I feel that you are very stubborn and hard headed." "I feel that I am being used." These are not feelings but beliefs. We can replace the word "feel" in each case with the word "believe". For example, "I believe that you do not love me." In this case the feelings might be rejection, hurt, fear, loneliness, injustice. In the case of "I believe that you are being stubborn and hard headed," the emotions might be frustration, anger, injustice, bitterness, impatience etc.

Thus we need to help ourselves and others *distinguish between emotions and beliefs. As *beliefs are the causes of the emotions, we need to *determine the cause in order to be able to *transform it so as to become free from its negative effect on our lives.

One screening technique is to prohibit the use of the word "that" after the word feel when the subject is describing his/her feelings. *If he says, "I feel that ...." , we know that this will be a belief. The word after the word "feel" must be an emotion.

Some questions which may help in determining the emotions:

We could slowly read out a list of emotions that might help the individual identify the feelings bothering him/her at the moment. See the list of emotions in Appendix A.

a. Which emotions from the list most accurately describe what you feel?

b. What do you feel when you are confronted with the situation or behavior?

c. What do you feel when you think about the problem?

d. Have you felt this way in other situations?

e. What else do you feel?

***f. Can you remember feeling this way when you were a child?

g. Of all your emotions, which is the one you want to analyze now?

h. Can you accept having this emotion?

i. Can you accept that a part of yourself feels this way?

j. Can you love and accept that part of your being which feels that way?

k. Do you have any other emotions, in connection with this?

****l. How do you feel about yourself when you have these emotions?

****m. In what other situations have you felt similar emotions?

n. How long have you felt this way?

o. How often do you feel this way?

****p. Are there, or were there, moments during which despite the fact that you were in a similar situation, you managed to feel and / or react differently?

q. When did you experience these moments and what did they consist of? Which and when were these moments? (Quest.8)

****r. What did you say to yourself in these moments that helped you not to feel and/ or react differently?

These last three questions are extremely important in determining how to proceed. It is essential that a person first learn to see and accept that *part of himself/herself that is programmed to interpret and feel in that particular way. We, in general, **cannot change what we cannot first see and accept. What we reject often ingrains itself even more deeply out of resistance.

***When we reject a part of our being, we give it energy allowing it to grow.